Happy Valentine’s Day 2016


Hello dear fans and visitors, (why are you still visitors? show some love and follow my blog today teehee).

In true Cupid style I decided to send this special love post that perfectly encapsulates the essence of Valentines Day. If you have a partner show them how special they are. It’s not always about gifts. You can make someone’s day just by saying the right words from your heart – not everyone is hell-bent on chocolates, flowers and teddies. If you’re single then let that dream partner know that they’re on your mind today. You can also extend your love to your family members – mum, dad, mother-in-law, father-in-law, etc. But most importantly, love yourself. You can’t begin to show love to others if you don’t love yourself. I love me and I love you all for your loyalty, your curiosity, your consistency, your commentary, and your generosity in sharing my posts. Happy #ValentinesDay

Image credits: Google

5 Signs that you’re in a One-sided Relationship

stock-vector-man-holding-umbrella-protecting-his-lover-from-getting-wet-in-rainy-day-love-concept-152740430As the saying goes, ‘It takes two to tango‘. Similarly in relationships each party needs to put in work to make it work. So if you were once head-over-heels for someone it’s quite possible that you left yourself vulnerable to being taken advantage of. Perfectly good eye-sight begins to fail as everyone else seems to notice inconsiderate behaviour on your partner’s part; everyone but you whose renewing rent on Cloud 9. However once the stupor has cleared from your eyes and you sink back into the harsh reality of your new relationship status (what’s that d word…not divorced…ah yes, ‘dumped’) you might just appreciate these signs Continue reading

The ‘sin’ in ‘being single’


This gallery contains 3 photos.

Being single can be summarized perfectly in one word which I choose to shout fervently like Mel Gibson in Braveheart – “…FREEDOM!” However there is a school of thought that dictates that at a certain age in life it’s a … Continue reading

Ten green bottles


This gallery contains 3 photos.

I’m betting by now that your brain has cleverly associated this post title with the catchy yet annoying nursery rhyme in which bottles ‘accidentally fall down’ by no fault of your own and keep on falling whilst you’re frantically trying … Continue reading

How to Love


This gallery contains 1 photo.

Earlier this year I caught a glimpse of a show on CNN talking about the most popular searches on Google in 2012. There was only one search which shocked me and this was probably because it was the hottest search … Continue reading

There’s something I want to tell you…

That phrase usually surfaces in conversations when a (straight) man is about to spill his guts about how he has developed strong feelings for a lady (finally). But the problem I find is that we don’t always seem to know how to go about it right, without coming off sounding like a cheesy line straight out of the Jerry McGuire movie (Hint: What did the sentence say to the period?).

Imagine a man lying down next to his girlfriend on the beach. He’s giving her a sensual massage with the sweet-smelling coconut oil, while she’s sipping a scrumptious Chapman cocktail and reading the latest post from The Crazy Nigerian on her iPhone (what? it’s possible!). Suddenly, unknown to them, a Tsunami the size of King Kong is racing down towards them. There is clearly no chance of escape. He decides to seize his moment to confess his feelings. He turns her over and then he goes, ‘There’s something… (SPLASH!). Whoops! Too late 🙁

Now, the person I feel sorrier for is the poor girl who has no idea what her boyfriend intended to say before being slapped with one million gallons of salt water. For all she knows he was going to say;

  • There’s something in your teeth (Observation)
  • There’s something in my eye (Irritation)
  • There’s something you’re not telling me (Suspicion)

But even if the Tsunami was non-existent, how do you think our lover boy would have concluded? ‘There’s something I want to tell you. I think about you every hour of every day and I would be doing myself an injustice if I didn’t tell you how much I want to be more than just your boyfriend. You have a smile that could melt an iceberg and a voice that could soothe a troubled spirit. I look forward to waking up each day ever since you became a part of my life and now I want to wake up next to you for the rest of my life. I guess what I’m trying to say is…I love you, I want no one else but you and I don’t want to go on living another second without my soul mate. will you marry me?

A bit over the top? A simple ‘I love you. Will you marry me?’ would probably have been enough to seal the deal (with a big shiny rock to match, of course). Men don’t always find it easy to express themselves; both in words and in actions. They sometimes spend too much time trying to read their partners thoughts. It’s best to keep things simple and just be open. Women can sense when men are being honest…and they appreciate it too. Men need to look their partner deep in the eyes and say exactly what is on their mind no matter how unrehearsed or unpolished. Blurt it out, follow-up with a kiss and a warm embrace…sparks are bound to fly (well, we can only hope). The next time you see that special someone tell him/her how you feel because you may never get that opportunity again.

By the way, Happy Independence Day Nigeria! Enjoy your 52nd year 🙂

The A-Z of Relationships – Part 2

These days you can’t blame paranoid couples for wanting to throw in nuptials (especially when one of them is filthy rich!). But if there’s a good sense of trust between the two lovers then they could go on to explore the depth of their intimacy and hope to stumble upon an orgasm or two if they’re lucky. Then just when you least expect it, one of you becomes pregnant. Nine months down the line you start asking yourself some serious questions like ‘Will I be a good father/mother?’ ‘Am I going to be able to cope with all the baby expenses?’ or if there’s been suspected infidelity, ‘Why does this baby look like my gardener?’ Life starts becoming a mundane routine involving nappy changing, baby feeding and ‘gaga-googoo’ talking. Years go by and suddenly you catch an infection more commonly known as the seven-year itch. Left untreated, this could spell disaster for even the most compatible relationships. Love seemingly turns sour and tension begins to build up whenever you’re on the same bed. Sex is a thing of the past and your mind is clouded with uncertainty as to whether you have become less attractive (or plain grotesque) to your other half. Such desperate times may cause the man to turn to drugs…Viagra, to be precise (although, if the problem is too many kids then we could be talking Vasectomy instead). Women don’t get off that easy as they also have to play their own part in ‘keeping things up’ – Wondebra takes care of that. The desired outcome would be to rekindle the flame and seal the deal with more frequent XOXOs (hugs and kisses). As your energies combine, you both realize you can’t exist without each other; he’s your Yin and she’s your Yang. When you’re both in your seventies and having sex, your passionate oooh’s and aaah’s will soon become uncontrollable Zzzzzzzzzz’s… 

See also The A-Z of Relationships Part 1

10 Day YOU Challenge: 9 Loves

Day 2 – Now that I’ve got my secrets out-of-the-way (and out in the open) I’ll probably go into some detail as I talk about my loves (I could count 99 but I’ll stick to the rules). Here goes nothing…

  1. He has been there for me in the darkest of times when I felt all hope was lost. More importantly he died for my sins even before I was born and wants me to get to Heaven. I pray in his name whenever I want something from God. I love Jesus.
  2. There’s no surprise that this next love is coming second. From Bran flakes in the morning to yoghurt and fruit, pancakes, bacon, sausages, pasta, cheese, pizza, fried rice, plantain, ice-cream, hotdogs…you guessed it. I love Food.
  3. I’ve got to have the slick portable mp3 players or the Nokia E75 with the fancy slide qwerty keypad. What about camera’s with in-built mp3 and video camera (I lost that after being pickpocketed at a boring wedding – boo hoo). I’m a far cry from 007 but I love Gadgets
  4. When I see the table I get excited like a little kid who was about to ride his first tricycle. Racking up the balls and chalking my cue is the beginning of complete isolation from the outside world. I could sit at home and watch game after game when world tournaments are on. Any girlfriend I’m with at the time has no chance of getting my attention (except with food, of course). I am an absolute sucker for it so much so that I blew 200 pounds sterling on my very own in London and even shipped it back to Nigeria when I relocated! I love Pool/Snooker tables
  5. Ever since I saw ‘monkey suits’ (oversized suits which make the wearer look like he stole them from Pavarotti) I vowed I would NEVER wear such (and that would go into my will too). First impressions count. Style matters. There’s a thin line between SWAG and SAG. I love Fitted Clothes.
  6. Clear white sands. Cool sea-breeze blowing through the palm trees. Barbecue sizzling nicely and the fizz from when I open a can of ice-cold Heineken as I recline on the long sun bed. My Police shades on a 45 degree tilt as I watch the action pass by. I love Beaches.
  7. The thrill of the take-off is the only thing that comes close to a roller coaster ride for me. It’s like an adrenaline rush as the plane thunders down the tarmac. Economy, Business or First class – I don’t care. I love Air travel.
  8. The Moonwalk, Crazy legs, Ballroom, Salsa, Ethnic, Yahooze, Alanta, LMFAO Shuffle, etc you name it. As long as I have to move my feet to the beat you can say that I love Dancing.
  9. This is my passion and I can only thank WordPress for helping me to keep up this increasingly addictive hobby. This is a no-brainer for those who know me. Fact, Fiction, Funny, Freaky…I looooooooooooooooove Writing!

What are YOUR loves?

10 things to do…if you wake up tomorrow

Sometimes we take for granted the fact that we have been ‘unconscious’ throughout the night while we sleep and that some people don’t actually wake up. Nobody can say for sure what makes us wake up. If you say, ‘my alarm’ then that would be a silly answer. How about on a Saturday morning if you’re not going to work – Could you wake yourself up at exactly 9am (without the aid of some alarm)? Indeed the act of waking up is nothing short of a miracle… 

So what do you do when you wake up? Check your Blackberry for chat updates? Snooze your alarm? Jump into the bathroom and continue dozing on the toilet seat? If that’s as about creative as the start of your day is then you could consider another routine which is more refreshing and should take you less than an hour to complete: 

1. Pray ~ No matter your religious background or beliefs I believe that there is a higher being whom is responsible for this mystery called Life. As a Christian I know that one has to be thankful for so many things, including being alive, in good health, safe from the hazards of the outdoors and indoors, having food on the table, money in your pocket, a loving family, a job, etc.  But first and foremost I think one should give thanks to the Almighty for waking up to see a new day. I’m sure God would appreciate that.

2. Meditate ~ Having some quiet time or ‘me-time’ is a good way of reflecting on your life and the happenings of the previous day(s). I like to read my daily devotional which comes with short passages from the Bible. Technology makes reading the Bible so much easier as most smartphones are capable of downloading the Bible application. Meditating on God’s word is a good way to grow spiritually and to know more about one’s purpose on earth. 

3. Exercise ~ Stretching the body and moving those muscles completes the waking up process for me (I’m not a big fan of coffee since it scarred my sleeping pattern during my gruelling, 12hours-a-day A Level studies). You can do press-ups, sit-ups or crunches, aerobics, etc. The type and length of exercise you use is entirely up to you. You will feel stronger, alert and reenergized as blood circulation will be enhanced. 

4. Drink water ~ Some researchers believe that drinking water after waking up is a good way to purify the body in and out. In Japan, drinking water is believed to cure a number of ailments (Read more). Drinking water will help to move your bowels and give you that lighter feeling after sending you to the toilet. Water therapy is definitely worth a try.

5. Take a warm bath/shower ~ Throw in some foam bath and let your pores open up as your body is invigorated by the warm water. I think cold water isn’t as effective in washing off dirt from the body as warm water can (Imagine using cold water to wash an oily dinner plate – nearly impossible, right?). Sometimes a cold shower is preferable when the weather is very humid but if it’s freezing outside then you know what to do!

6. Have breakfast ~ The thought of eating food in the morning makes some people nauseous – not me! You can give me a full English breakfast at 5.30am and I’ll be asking for extra bacon. But if time is not your side then a bowl of cereal or oatmeal would be good. Fruits like apples would be ideal because they have antioxidant properties that can keep you healthy (Read more). For the most part eating something before you leave for work would give you some energy since your last meal the day before. Please don’t go out hungry – you might get grouchy and binge on junk food which may add-on some unwanted weight and the guilt and self-loathing that comes with it!

7. Listen to some news ~ What if you didn’t turn on your radio or switch on your TV to find that everybody in your neighbourhood was meant to stay indoors because of an ongoing riot? You might just get caught in the thick of it and have difficulty get back home. It’s always good to be informed about what’s happening locally and globally. There just might be one piece of news that could affect your life or that of someone you know.

8. Plan your day ~ Think about what you want to set out to achieve. Do you have to pay some bills? Do you have a meeting to attend or an appointment to keep? Do you have shopping to do? Having a ‘mind map’ of how you would like your day to go can go a long way in giving you some level of control on what you will and will not do. No plan means that you’re just going with the flow and even worse, you could just be a pun in someone else’s plan.

9. Have a Positive Mental Attitude ~ If you decide it is going to be a bad day then guess what, it most certainly will be. No smiling, no consideration for others, no good utterances from your mouth, etc, would all serve as a perfect recipe for a shit day. If you wake up and it’s raining, so what? Everywhere will be wet but that’s mother nature. Maybe yu just got dumped – get over it! There are other potentials out there who would appreciate you better than your ex. If you don’t like your job then what are you doing about it? Applying for a better one, discussing other job options with your HR manager or just grumbling and making your colleagues eventually avoid your company…the attitude you choose to put on before you leave your apartment will determine how you will relate with people and invariably how they will relate with you so choose wisely!   

10. Show some love ~ We all like being loved so why not do something like hold the elevator/lift or door for someone, or offer to buy lunch for a colleague, or call someone whom you haven’t spoken to in a long while…sky’s the limit when it comes to gestures of love. But if you’re married and you presumably share the same bed with your partner, then there is one other thing I can think of that is worth doing when you wake up in the morning 😉 


Happy Valentine’s Day!…but where’s Cupid?

I drove out of my compound early as usual before the rooster gave it’s annoying rendition of ‘Cock-a-doodle-doo’ which in Nigeria sounds more like ‘Coo-kuruuuuuuuuu-koo’. I didn’t notice anything that depicted Valentine’s day in the slightest. But probably I was just driving too fast.

If February 14 is supposed to be the day of love then why is it that the bus drivers still didn’t show me any as they wrestled for space as I reached stupidly constructed narrow roads? Why is it that I could hear a couple arguing next door in an uncompleted building next to my office about who finished the petrol in the generator? Why is it that the Nigeria Labour Congress (NLC) is currently picketing in front of Stallion Plaza, Marina-Lagos? I looked up to the sky to see if there was a ‘bird’ or a ‘plane’ but alas I couldn’t see Cupid swooping down with his bow and love-soaked arrow coming to my rescue 🙁

Back in my office however we’ve had what my boss called a ‘Love Prayer’ this morning in which all members of staff joined hands and prayed together. We also presented a lovely Forest Gateau with soft drinks on a table for all customers who walked into the banking hall. The music coming from the overhead speakers had one consistent theme that ran through each song – True Love by Tuface Idibia, The Power of Love by Celine Dion, Someone to (yes you guessed it) Love by Babyface…LOVE LOVE LOVE! Of course no Valentine gig at the office would be complete without the ol’ Secret Santa Valentine. The guys picked girls’ names at random from a bowl filled with little pieces of folded paper. Likewise the girls picked guys’ names from a different bowl. I bought a Cartier Body Lotion and Shower Gel pack for my lucky Val but I’m yet to know what I’m getting or who’s supposed to get something for me in the first place.

Whilst I’m on the subject, I bought my true Valentine something I knew she’d always wanted – a Blackberry. I got her the Curve 8520 with the Trackpad (so much better that that rollerball if you ask me). My neck is still recovering from the sleeper choke hold my girlfriend gave me – she was ecstatic. I’ll probably take her to watch a good Romcom this evening. The best part is that there’s a public holiday in Nigeria tomorrow whereby the Muslims will be celebrating Id-el-Maulud! 🙂

So I guess I have no real justification for seeming to start off as a Valentine Grinch. Yes, I was ‘seeing red’ when I encountered a bit of road rage earlier this morning but Valentine’s Day is turning out to be a quite cheerful day. I’m sporting my red slim tie and a pair of red and silver cufflinks like a good (Pro-Valentine) boy. There’s only one thing that is giving me a bit of discomfort…urgh! CAN SOMEBODY PLEASE GET CUPID’S ARROW OUT OF MY BUTT?!!!