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I’m betting by now that your brain has cleverly associated this post title with the catchy yet annoying nursery rhyme in which bottles ‘accidentally fall down’ by no fault of your own and keep on falling whilst you’re frantically trying … Continue reading
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It was pretty random how I decided to write an article of a mere 535 words which would later generate over 11,000 views – a fifth of my current page view total on my entire website! The number of page … Continue reading
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Originally posted in Sugar! Weddings Kissing Impossible: For the aspiring grooms reading this article, your mission (if you choose to accept it) is to kiss the bride – code name Operation KTB. Brides – yours is by far simpler – 1) … Continue reading
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Fidget /ˈfijit/ Noun or Verb. A quick, small movement, typically a repeated one, caused by nervousness or impatience (Source: Google). It also means to move restlessly or to cause worry (thefreedictionary.com). At my National Church Harvest last month, I was eating … Continue reading
You can thank me later…
You thought I would forget? You thought I wouldn’t keep my word? Not the Crazy Nigerian (Dictum Meum Pactum). Some months ago I asked for your help with my book title. I also said that participants would get a free copy of my e-book for their reading enjoyment. Here is the shortlist of the lucky winners:
| Ernest |
| zxeesha |
| Oluwadamilare |
| J. Todd Hubbard |
| Bonniestark |
| Nnamdi |
| Obinrin |
| drebiofrey |
| Sandy |
| Ada |
| Naanmiap |
| britneyana |
| Timiebix |
| smilesandhappiness |
| upwardliving |
| pinkauto |
| Gbenga Awomodu |
| dazediva |
| FQ |
| ebianb |
| lucidlilith |
Congratulations and look out for the e-book which will be sent shortly to the email addresses intially provided during the participation stage. Don’t forget to drop a review on Amazonbooks, Kobobooks or Authorhouse bookstore.
Thank you so much for being a part of my dream…well, one of my dreams 🙂
Signed,
Jollof aka tHe CraZy NiGeRiAn
My debut book, The Crazy Nigerian is now available! (Look ma! I did it!) In order to get your copy of this gut-busting, action-packed memoir of my memorable mishaps and misadventures, then just keep reading. Soft paperback and E-book version available on Authorhouse, Amazon and Barnes & Noble. You can enjoy The Crazy Nigerian on your Nooks, iPads and Kindles if paper isn’t your thing. In Lagos, my book is currently available at Terra Kulture bookshop, The Hub Media Store (Palms, Lekki), Silverbird lifestyle Victoria Island and soon to hit other local bookstores so watch this space.Be sure to leave your comments here or alternatively you can send them to dcrazynigerian@gmail.com. Alternatively you can call +2347032024019 or send a BB message to 284D7BB7 to speak to the Crazy Nigerian in person. You can show your support by going to ‘Like‘ my Facebook fan page ‘Tonwa Anthony’. Crazy videos coming soon! Comments & criticisms also welcome…(yikes!) Follow @dcrazynigerian for crazy updates and crazy articles.
**EXCLUSIVE: ENJOY MY CRAZY NIGERIAN VIDEO! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1ugqU9hbpfo 😀
To read my latest blog post just look below this one. Thank you.
These days you can’t blame paranoid couples for wanting to throw in nuptials (especially when one of them is filthy rich!). But if there’s a good sense of trust between the two lovers then they could go on to explore the depth of their intimacy and hope to stumble upon an orgasm or two if they’re lucky. Then just when you least expect it, one of you becomes pregnant. Nine months down the line you start asking yourself some serious questions like ‘Will I be a good father/mother?’ ‘Am I going to be able to cope with all the baby expenses?’ or if there’s been suspected infidelity, ‘Why does this baby look like my gardener?’ Life starts becoming a mundane routine involving nappy changing, baby feeding and ‘gaga-googoo’ talking. Years go by and suddenly you catch an infection more commonly known as the seven-year itch. Left untreated, this could spell disaster for even the most compatible relationships. Love seemingly turns sour and tension begins to build up whenever you’re on the same bed. Sex is a thing of the past and your mind is clouded with uncertainty as to whether you have become less attractive (or plain grotesque) to your other half. Such desperate times may cause the man to turn to drugs…Viagra, to be precise (although, if the problem is too many kids then we could be talking Vasectomy instead). Women don’t get off that easy as they also have to play their own part in ‘keeping things up’ – Wondebra takes care of that. The desired outcome would be to rekindle the flame and seal the deal with more frequent XOXOs (hugs and kisses). As your energies combine, you both realize you can’t exist without each other; he’s your Yin and she’s your Yang. When you’re both in your seventies and having sex, your passionate oooh’s and aaah’s will soon become uncontrollable Zzzzzzzzzz’s…
See also The A-Z of Relationships Part 1
Two days ago I was driving home from work with four colleagues in my car. One of them asked if I got a mechanic to check my alternator (the thingamajig or the whatchumakallit that helps charge the car battery, apparently) after my car decided not to start the previous night. I hadn’t. I just bought a new car battery and I was fine with my car moving from A to B. I let them know that I appreciated the interest they took in the well-being of my car. The response that followed seemed quite unusual – ‘…but we’re all stakeholders of the car’. And then, that got me thinking…
‘If we’re all stakeholders, who’s the chairman?’ I asked. One responded, ‘Of course, you are’. Well that doesn’t seem fair, I thought. Why does the chairman have to be the one stuck driving in traffic while my passengers put their feet up and enjoy the cool air-conditioning? The dynamics of this arrangement had to be rearranged. I suggested that the responsibility of driving my car should be shared among themselves. There was no comment…just a few awkward diplomatic laughs.
I went on to ask my stakeholders what their involvement would be in my car’s well-being if I suddenly had a flat tyre. There was no comment…at first. Then one of the guys summoned up the courage and said, ‘I will divert traffic’. Another one said, ‘I’ll look out for suspicious motorcyclists’. Another one said, ‘I will take out the caution signs and place them behind the car for oncoming motorists. Finally, the last passenger paused and then he said, ‘I’ll jack up the car’ – to which I asked, ‘So who’s going to change the flat tyre?’ There was no comment. I guess the Chairman’s work is never done (So much for stakeholders, eh? More like sleeping partners, lol).
The important thing is that deep down I know that when it comes to the crunch, my friends will lend a helping hand – because that’s what friends are for. And if they do otherwise, then as chairman I’m dissolving the board immediately i.e. YOU’RE FIRED!!! 🙂
N.B: follow @dcrazynigerian on Twitter for more updates on my new book. Click here for a free preview on Amazon.
They say ‘curiosity killed the cat’…well, they’re probably mistaken because a little blue bird (not Twitter) told me a cat has nine lives. But anyway, as much as we all love to browse the Net for information, I’m certain there’s some info you don’t want to know.
~ ~ ~
Here’s my countdown (and do let me know if I hit the mark or if you’re comfortable with none, some of all of them:
10. When the world will come to an end
09. Whether there will be World War III
08. How hygienic the kitchen and the person cooking your dinner in a restaurant is
07. Whether your grandparents or parents still ‘do it’
06. The number of buttocks that sit on your local public toilet seats
05. All the wrong decisions you unknowingly made in the past.
04. Whether you’ve already missed meeting Mr or Mrs Right
03. What people actually say behind your back
02. Whether you will ever become a millionaire or so rich you don’t have to work
01. The day you are going to die
Afterthought: If I inserted a link which said ‘Once you click here you will be taken to a site that accurately predicts the precise date and time you are going to die’ would you click on it? (spooky) 🙂