The Usual Stakeholders

Two days ago I was driving home from work with four colleagues in my car. One of them asked if I got a mechanic to check my alternator (the thingamajig or the whatchumakallit that helps charge the car battery, apparently) after my car decided not to start the previous night. I hadn’t. I just bought a new car battery and I was fine with my car moving from A to B. I let them know that I appreciated the interest they took in the well-being of my car. The response that followed seemed quite unusual – ‘…but we’re all stakeholders of the car’. And then, that got me thinking…

‘If we’re all stakeholders, who’s the chairman?’ I asked. One responded, ‘Of course, you are’. Well that doesn’t seem fair, I thought. Why does the chairman have to be the one stuck driving in traffic while my passengers put their feet up and enjoy the cool air-conditioning? The dynamics of this arrangement had to be rearranged. I suggested that the responsibility of driving my car should be shared among themselves. There was no comment…just a few awkward diplomatic laughs.

I went on to ask my stakeholders what their involvement would be in my car’s well-being if I suddenly had a flat tyre. There was no comment…at first. Then one of the guys summoned up the courage and said, ‘I will divert traffic’. Another one said, ‘I’ll look out for suspicious motorcyclists’. Another one said, ‘I will take out the caution signs and place them behind the car for oncoming motorists. Finally, the last passenger paused and then he said, ‘I’ll jack up the car’ – to which I asked, ‘So who’s going to change the flat tyre?’ There was no comment. I guess the Chairman’s work is never done (So much for stakeholders, eh? More like sleeping partners, lol).

The important thing is that deep down I know that when it comes to the crunch, my friends will lend a helping hand – because that’s what friends are for. And if they do otherwise, then as chairman I’m dissolving the board immediately i.e. YOU’RE FIRED!!! 🙂

N.B: follow @dcrazynigerian on Twitter for more updates on my new book. Click here for a free preview on Amazon.


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