F is for Fidget

Fidget /ˈfijit/ Noun or Verb. A quick, small movement, typically a repeated one, caused by nervousness or impatience (Source: Google). It also means to move restlessly or to cause worry (thefreedictionary.com).

At my National Church Harvest last month, I was eating some delicious native food (roasted plantain and grilled fish with a side of hot palm oil sauce…mmm) and the man seated in front of me kept leaning back as he tried to put his hand into his right trouser pocket. Each time the back of his elbow came towards my plate I marvelled at how his white sleeve was able to narrowly miss the greasy red ‘unwashable’ palm-oil stain that was waiting to happen. I mean, what the hell was he fidgeting for? Was he paranoid about pickpockets operating at the shindig? Or did he have the memory of a goldfish, causing him to forget how much money he had on him? Or was he just discreetly trying to scratch an itch in his groin area???

This is just as bad as that annoying little brat seated next to you in church who keeps kicking or stepping on your shoes each time she’s trying to go over to her aloof dad. To the father with the hyperactive toddler I say, ‘Oi! Put your daughter on a leash, and while you’re at it, don’t feed her biscuits in church – she littered my praying area with crumbs (she can’t quite seem to know where her mouth is with all the fidgeting I suppose). Next time let your daughter sit down on YOUR righthand side and not in between us, kapish!

Worse still, you’re in a queue at your local ATM and the man behind you feels it necessary to graze your buttocks with his crotch every few seconds. IF YOU CAN’T WAIT ANY LONGER OR IF YOU HAVE TO GO PEE THEN GO ALREADY! Don’t cramp up my space and breathe down my neck heavily with your mouth wide open (Yes, I know what you ate last supper!).

Now, this article is in no way an attack on people taking medication with side-effects ~ that’s perfectly understandable. But when you’re an uncontrollable fusspot and people are starting to look at you funny, then you need to ask yourself some questions: Is there something wrong with me? Was I behaving abnormally? Is this a habit that I can’t control? If your close friend gives you at least two Yes’s then never fear. At least you know there’s a problem and the next step is to try to fix it either with therapy or prayer (the latter is way cheaper in my opinion).

Other specific actions I have classified as ‘fidgeting’ include but are not limited to:

  • Nose-picking (dis…gust…ing)
  • Knuckle-cracking (an…noy…ing)
  • Eye-twitching (serial killer tendencies would be everyone else’s hunch by now)
  • Pacing up and down whilst on a mobile phone (Okay, guilty as charged, lol)
  • Channel-changing (every 3 seconds)
  • Kettle-checking (A watched kettle never boils, duh!)
  • Swivel chair-spinning (you’re not in kindergarten anymore)
  • Head-rubbing (Oops you did it, again?)
  • Status-updating on Twitter, Facebook, Google+, etc (but we’re all guilty of that, right?)

Do you fidget? Pray tell and let’s all just laugh it off 🙂 

11 thoughts on “F is for Fidget

  1. Swivel chair spinning…..i love it!*facepalm*
    Channel surfing(who wants to be stuck with an uninteresting one after paying for all???) Heheheheh

  2. lol…hilarious got me laughing out loud @ work.
    yup i always adjusted my jewelry back in high skol and dis boy i had a crush on told me to stop, i was so embarrassed….ah well….we became very good friends afta dat.

  3. Oh jeez ! My mom is a serial channel flicker when it comes to radio stations ! It drives me nuts whenever I’m in the car with her !

    I’m a bit of a restless soul – so I suppose I end up multi-tasking a lot which might appear fidgety but I don’t fall into any of the above categories as you described. Sometimes I start pacing if its a long phone call; and I don’t compulsively update my FB / Twitter (Hootsuite pre-schedule tweets are awesome for work!)

  4. Swivel chair spinning and knuckle cracking? Very guilty as charged. Beht, why would I sit in a swivel chair and not spin around na? Isn’t that the purpose? Or maybe I had a deprived childhood. About the knuckle cracking, after basketball ruined a couple of my fingers, knuckle cracking was my way of finding out if they were slowly resurrecting plus I just absolutely love the sound. Gonna go a round once I post this comment.

    • Easy on the knuckle cracking dear; the middle finger on my left hand twitches every now and again and I fear one day it will eventually offend someone (if you know what I mean). I still do it nonetheless for no apparent reason, though it does have an irresistible sound. Anyway, I’m on to the next post so I better get cracking (no pun intended). Laterz!

  5. Pingback: ‘J’ is for Judging | The Crazy Nigerian

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