5 Easy Ways To Remain Sane in Nigeria

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Avoid Nigerian news like the plague This includes reading the local newspapers or listening to local news on the radio or watching local news on TV. An overdose of ‘corruption’ news could impair your judgment in day-to-day activities and lead … Continue reading

Recession blues: 5 Effects of dating now in Nigeria

It’s been nothing but doom and gloom in the 4th quarter of 2016 for Nigeria. The buying power of the Naira keeps shrinking faster than the egos of expired Viagra users. As at today 1 Naira is equal to 315.75 (Source: Google). For me, this translates to less of the wants and focusing more on the needs. But when you’re in a relationship it’s not always that simple. It’s no longer just about you but about somebody else too. So in order for you not to become the victim of a bad romance I have listed five effects of dating in the recession which you can look out for and handle without straining your relationship.

1. Pocket management:

During the recession you have to become economical with romantic gestures that cost a lot of money. Gone (or few) are the days that you splurge on Debonair Pizza for all your close friends and leave a N1,000 tip for the sales girl. With recession comes the era of scaling down to Dominos Pizza and buying that medium size pizza for you and your partner only. Spa treatments can be less regular and maybe your partner should consider going ‘au naturale’ with her hair so you don’t get lumbered with expensive extensions for your future ex.

2. Fragapanophobia:

Or Natalophobia is the irrational fear of one’s birthday, though in this context the fear is more specifically of having to buy your partner a gift. It costs money and depending on your partner’s taste, lots of it. As a matter of fact, once you’re in a relationship during this recession, festive days like birthdays, Valentine’s day, Christmas day and your one month or five months or 1 year anniversary just appear like skits of a horror movie titled, ‘The Bleeding Bank Account’ (printed in red blood, of course and starring YOU).

3. Data appreciation:

I don’t mean appreciation in the value of Internet data! (I’d be so lucky. The opposite was recently rumoured to be the case). I mean appreciating data over voice calls. With a fixed data subscription you can chat with or video call your partner as much as you like without spending your life savings on endless purchases of airtime top-up. An understanding partner would appreciate this substitution. Couples need to KISS (Keep It Short & Sweet) when it comes to voice calls. The amount of texts and images/video clips you send via Internet data is only limited by your data plan.

4. Heated arguments: 

When you find that your finances are reducing faster than usual and that your salary can no longer afford things like before, you can get emotional. Emotions of anger tend to be quite common in these instances. It’s best not to bottle up these emotions from the onset. If the level of spending in your relationship is a concern then mention it early. Don’t wait till your partner asks you to buy a flight ticket before you throw a tantrum. Be open about what you can and cannot afford. If your partner cares about you then he or she will understand.

5. Recession vs oppression: 

It can be quite annoying when you’re with your couple outdoors in a club somewhere and you notice a similarly cool-looking couple sitting in the VIP section downing Hennessy XO while you’re in your humble corner with your partner sipping slowly on ‘Lemon-flavoured carbonated water served on the rocks’ aka Sprite with ice cubes. There’s a popular saying we have in Nigeria – Cut your coat according to your size. In other words, spend on what you can afford and don’t try to be like anyone else. You don’t have to compete. You don’t know what they are into (probably MMM, who knows?).

In summary, during this recession you and your partner need to communicate a lot more than ever before. Things are hard and will get tougher in the coming year for Nigerians. But if we learn to manage our expenses and make alternative lifestyle changes, then relationships do not have to be avoided. That said, I hope you’ve saved up for a Christmas present 😉

Recession effect on dating couple (Image credit: blog.conqueryourdebt.org)

7 Everyday Problems Solved by Bacon

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If you’re like me and you’re feeling the pinch in your wallet as a result of the weakness of your country’s currency and high dependency on imported goods, you’d appreciate alternative, creative ways of doing things. But I also believe … Continue reading

5 Unoffending Ways to address your Boss at the Office

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If you’re working in an office and there is a clear policy on how staff are meant to address each other, then you’re in the clear – as far as your team mates are concerned. But this doesn’t always hold true when dealing with some supervisors, bosses or any staff that is above your level or grade. Whether you like it or not Office Politics exists and sometimes needs to be understood in order to avoid pitfalls that could ultimately leave you in the bad books of your superiors.

I have been at the receiving end of criticism for calling some bosses by their first name while I have equally received criticism for not referring to bosses by their first name. In a place like Nigeria where culture tends to override bureaucracy I therefore felt it necessary to list ways you can refer to both direct and indirect bosses (by email or speech) without annoying them:

5 Unoffending Ways to Address Boss

I would be very careful with #4 because if your boss’s name is Brian O’Donnell then you might not be getting away with calling him or her B.O, likewise Freda Upton, Ben Johnson and Peter Pledge. I particularly like #5 which gives you the peace of mind that you are addressing your boss just the way he or she wants.

Top 5 Scams Attempted Everyday in Nigeria

nigerian scam 1Nigeria is a lovely place to live in; great climate, abundant natural resources, amazing landscapes and beaches, and a whole bunch of amusing people. Unfortunately among us are a faction whom have pledged to wreak havoc on the finances of the unsuspecting victim. You can’t be in Nigeria and ignore the scams I’m about to list in this article. They’re as relevant today as they were over 20 years ago (a colleague of mine today confirmed that his mum was a victim of scam No. 5) Continue reading

5 Reasons why Married Men go to Strip clubs

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10.51 pm – It’s been a hard day at work, complete with no breakfast, lunch or dinner…’hectic’ is the understatement of the year…he’s seen more deadlines today than a medical student in an old people’s ward! Necktie loosened…he heads home…mad … Continue reading

5 things I hate about going to the gym

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1. Battle of the Egos: There’s a reason why I prefer to go to the gym when it’s empty; I don’t risk having to engage in the unspoken language of rivalry. You’re there minding your own business, doing a 50kg bench-press … Continue reading

5 Annoying things Nigerians do in Cinemas

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My girl and I went to see Jack and the Beanstalk Jack the Giant Slayer last night and it was more entertaining than I had anticipated (Though I never noticed any female giants, which begs the question, ‘How on earth were such … Continue reading

5 Ways To Check If You’re Homophobic

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I remember a time when skipping down to the playground in junior secondary school with my best (male) friend hand-in-hand was completely innocent. Fast forward to the 21st century and I would be given weird looks if say I was … Continue reading

Wishlist: Luxury Cars

 
 
 
 
 
 P.S – The cars speak for themselves…