There’s always a right time to do the wrong thing


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Morals…some people have them and some others don’t know what the hell you’re talking about. This is currently the situation in Lagos, Nigeria where I reside: In the daytime you find most motorists obey the traffic lights (because they don’t … Continue reading

10 Voter profiles to expect in Nigeria 2015 Presidential elections


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Nigerians all over the world would have had mixed feelings about the controversial postponement of the 2015 Presidential elections last month. V-Day activities formerly set for February 14th have morphed from Voting Day back to Valentine’s Day. Businesses have since been slowing … Continue reading

Dear Mr. Acting President…

jonathan goodluckFirst of all I would like to congratulate you on  your recent promotion transition from Vice President of Nigeria to Acting President. As much as I would like to see Yar’Adua recover from his illness I’m sure you would like to capitalize on make the most of this unique opportunity thrusted upon you.

Jonathan, things are progressively getting worse in the economy. In case you didn’t notice, the just-concluded fuel scarcity crises  lasted for nearly a month! The queues have caused traffic and road rage. Worse yet, the black market sold the fuel (sometimes contaminated or watered down) at exhorbitant prices. What did Yar’Adua do? Nothing. What did YOU do? Nothing. 

Electricity supply isn’t getting better either. Yar’Adua promised electricity generation of 6000 megawatts by December 2009. Today Nigeria is only generating 2900 megawatts. The consequence – some companies have moved their operations out of the country and the rest of us have resorted to using noisy generators and wasting more fuel in the process…even adding to air pollution and endangering our young ones with the fumes. What has Yar’Adua done? Nothing. What have YOU done? Nothing.

I don’t know if during the President’s unauthorized sick leave you have been trying to calm the the unrest in the Niger Delta region. What have you really been doing with all your time? I’m sure I’ve come across you on Facebook somewhere but now is the time to make your legacy felt. You’re the acting president but may I remind you that (assuming Yar’Adua kicks the bucket) you’ll only have until May 2011 to make any changes to the economy.

Like you, I am an Ijaw man and I expect that you will give a good impression of our tribe. This is your chance to make history in Nigeria. Have a vision. Take a cue from Obama if you have to. Give Nigerians a reason to want to see you stay in power. Look at Mandela’s case – Today marks 20years since he was freed from prison and the world honours and adores him. That could be you so get off your ass behind and do something meaningful and don’t depend on Yar’Adua’s return. All this didn’t happen by accident.

I hope you will consider all that I’ve said and start making plans to re-energize this economy. The country is behind you. More oil grease to your elbow and goodluck! (no pun intended).

Yours Sincerely,

The Crazy Nigerian 🙂

P.S – I will not accept your Facebook Friend request until I start seeing some results.

Letter to the Nigerian President

Dear Mr. President,

I know you are bogged down with a lot of political and socio-economic issues at the moment, the least of which you are yet to find solutions for or even attempt to show any interest in solving (e.g. Lack of constant power supply, daily traffic congestion, armed robbery, etc). However, I have some questions that need answering and though they may seem trivial to you they mean a lot to me…

What happened to Green Sands shandy? And what happened to Fanta Chapman? Could you bring back Tandi Guarana and Dr Pepper? Could you also tell the brewers of ’33’ export lager beer to change the freaking name to something other than a number? It would make ordering at the bar a whole lot easier when I’m pissed (half drunk). In fact, could you also put an embargo on any further name changes made by ‘Zain’ telecommunications? They’ve gone from Econet-VMobile-Celtel-Zain in less than 5 years and its getting confusing.

Is Ajinomoto really not good for my cooking? Could you intervene in the Mob wars between the rival Noodle gangs on my car radio? Indomie, Mimi and O-noodles have 1 ad every other 10 minutes 24/7 and it’s driving me insane! Is Agege bread really that soft and if so would you endorse it? I ‘form’ (pose, act-up) a lot so when I eat Agege bread sometimes at work I need assurance that I’m not going below a certain standard of class.

Could you ban unsolicited motorcyclists aka OKADA riders? They have swarmed our roads and have become a public nuisance with their complete disregard for the highway code. And while you’re at it, could you please abolish Saturday banking? I cherish my weekends and I strongly believe that 7.30am to 5.30pm from Mon-Fri is sufficient punishment in this present economy.

I know this is a long shot but would you consider giving tax-rebates and/or relief like they do in the UK? I see a lot of taking going on but giving back something to me for my blood and sweat would be nice. This is not ‘awoof’, just look at it more like a discount on my taxes.

While I’m on the subject of giving back to the community, could you allow the national budget to include training art schools for our terribly amateur actors? The Nigerian movie industry, unlike our developing economy, is under-developed. We are yet to see home-grown movies worthy to be called blockbusters e.g. movies like Lord of The Rings, Titanic, T2 and even The Dark Knight could one day be done over here if you invest accordingly – After all, like the saying goes ‘3rd mainland bridge wasn’t built in a day’.

I hope you will find time to answer these pressing issues. I do not mind if you let the VP handle some of these questions as I strongly believe he is equally capable. I look forward to hearing from you fairly soon.
Yours sincerely,