How to write an apology letter

I wrote this letter to my dad after I (eventually) lost my wrist watch which I temporarily swapped with a senior in high school right before the summer holidays. I stumbled upon the letter some days ago while I was trying to do some home cleaning. I can’t believe I wrote this at the age of 12. Amuse yourself as I give my commentary in brackets. Enjoy:

Dear daddy,


I am very sorry about last night. I thought I could lie my way out of this watch business but I couldn’t (the watches didn’t look alike one bit). I really deserve proper punishment but thank you for sparing me (well, he didn’t spare the rod but he took it didn’t go haywire). When I get to Ibadan I promise (that’s broken and so was the watch) to bring back my watch and all my other belongings to Lagos.


Daddy, I know the type of son you want me to be (not a clue) and so with God’s grace (and plenty of it), I will do my best to become a respectful, truthful, well-disciplined and hardworking child whom you will always be proud of (I better check with him and see how I’m doing so far).


Daddy, you have just celebrated your birthday and so I pray that God will give you long life and prosperity (Amen). I also pray that people in your office will be proud of you and that you continue to give me good advice (like don’t give anyone your watch).


Daddy, I have to go now \(my favourite cartoon is on) so I just want to say thank you for all the things that you have done and that one day I shall be just like you.



Letter to the Nigerian President

Dear Mr. President,

I know you are bogged down with a lot of political and socio-economic issues at the moment, the least of which you are yet to find solutions for or even attempt to show any interest in solving (e.g. Lack of constant power supply, daily traffic congestion, armed robbery, etc). However, I have some questions that need answering and though they may seem trivial to you they mean a lot to me…

What happened to Green Sands shandy? And what happened to Fanta Chapman? Could you bring back Tandi Guarana and Dr Pepper? Could you also tell the brewers of ’33’ export lager beer to change the freaking name to something other than a number? It would make ordering at the bar a whole lot easier when I’m pissed (half drunk). In fact, could you also put an embargo on any further name changes made by ‘Zain’ telecommunications? They’ve gone from Econet-VMobile-Celtel-Zain in less than 5 years and its getting confusing.

Is Ajinomoto really not good for my cooking? Could you intervene in the Mob wars between the rival Noodle gangs on my car radio? Indomie, Mimi and O-noodles have 1 ad every other 10 minutes 24/7 and it’s driving me insane! Is Agege bread really that soft and if so would you endorse it? I ‘form’ (pose, act-up) a lot so when I eat Agege bread sometimes at work I need assurance that I’m not going below a certain standard of class.

Could you ban unsolicited motorcyclists aka OKADA riders? They have swarmed our roads and have become a public nuisance with their complete disregard for the highway code. And while you’re at it, could you please abolish Saturday banking? I cherish my weekends and I strongly believe that 7.30am to 5.30pm from Mon-Fri is sufficient punishment in this present economy.

I know this is a long shot but would you consider giving tax-rebates and/or relief like they do in the UK? I see a lot of taking going on but giving back something to me for my blood and sweat would be nice. This is not ‘awoof’, just look at it more like a discount on my taxes.

While I’m on the subject of giving back to the community, could you allow the national budget to include training art schools for our terribly amateur actors? The Nigerian movie industry, unlike our developing economy, is under-developed. We are yet to see home-grown movies worthy to be called blockbusters e.g. movies like Lord of The Rings, Titanic, T2 and even The Dark Knight could one day be done over here if you invest accordingly – After all, like the saying goes ‘3rd mainland bridge wasn’t built in a day’.

I hope you will find time to answer these pressing issues. I do not mind if you let the VP handle some of these questions as I strongly believe he is equally capable. I look forward to hearing from you fairly soon.
Yours sincerely,