Dear Mr. Acting President…

jonathan goodluckFirst of all I would like to congratulate you on  your recent promotion transition from Vice President of Nigeria to Acting President. As much as I would like to see Yar’Adua recover from his illness I’m sure you would like to capitalize on make the most of this unique opportunity thrusted upon you.

Jonathan, things are progressively getting worse in the economy. In case you didn’t notice, the just-concluded fuel scarcity crises  lasted for nearly a month! The queues have caused traffic and road rage. Worse yet, the black market sold the fuel (sometimes contaminated or watered down) at exhorbitant prices. What did Yar’Adua do? Nothing. What did YOU do? Nothing. 

Electricity supply isn’t getting better either. Yar’Adua promised electricity generation of 6000 megawatts by December 2009. Today Nigeria is only generating 2900 megawatts. The consequence – some companies have moved their operations out of the country and the rest of us have resorted to using noisy generators and wasting more fuel in the process…even adding to air pollution and endangering our young ones with the fumes. What has Yar’Adua done? Nothing. What have YOU done? Nothing.

I don’t know if during the President’s unauthorized sick leave you have been trying to calm the the unrest in the Niger Delta region. What have you really been doing with all your time? I’m sure I’ve come across you on Facebook somewhere but now is the time to make your legacy felt. You’re the acting president but may I remind you that (assuming Yar’Adua kicks the bucket) you’ll only have until May 2011 to make any changes to the economy.

Like you, I am an Ijaw man and I expect that you will give a good impression of our tribe. This is your chance to make history in Nigeria. Have a vision. Take a cue from Obama if you have to. Give Nigerians a reason to want to see you stay in power. Look at Mandela’s case – Today marks 20years since he was freed from prison and the world honours and adores him. That could be you so get off your ass behind and do something meaningful and don’t depend on Yar’Adua’s return. All this didn’t happen by accident.

I hope you will consider all that I’ve said and start making plans to re-energize this economy. The country is behind you. More oil grease to your elbow and goodluck! (no pun intended).

Yours Sincerely,

The Crazy Nigerian ūüôā

P.S – I will not accept your Facebook Friend request until I start seeing some results.

Entry #26 – Man U, 0-2, boo hoo!

I’m not a biased sports commentator nor am I a Barcelona fanatic on a trouble-finding mission, but I must say that I was quite busy sending commiseration text messages (I wasn’t rubbing it in, honest). I just wanted them to know that they had a shoulder to cry on. But its a harsh reality that in every competition, in every battle, there’s a winner and a loser. There’s just no two ways about it. What amuses me is the way some of the football players ‘cross their hearts’ before the match – Is that to say that they were praying that their side wins? What about if the opponents crossed their hearts too? Shouldn’t they have a fair chance of winning too? As a matter of fact, what does crossing the heart really symbolize anyway? Protection from demons? (Yeah, the opponents). Or could it be protection from a loss to their opponents. Either way I don’t think God intervenes, though I’m pretty sure He knew the result way before Eve offered Adam that dodgy apple.

There’s always a winner and a loser. Even when there’s a tie in a match, it always has to end in a sudden death situation and then the dreaded penalty shoot out. Why bother? Because two teams cant share one trophy, thats why. Two rival fan clubs cant walk hand-in-hand singing a combined ManU-Barcelona footie anthem. Its like the sci-fi movie Highlander – there can only be one.

So the next time you’re thinking , ‘Winner vs Loser’ think Obama vs McCain, Kanye West vs 50cent, Osama Bin Laden¬†vs George W. Bush, Sober judge vs O.J Simpson, ‘Traumatized’ teenager vs Michael Jackson, Angelina Jolie vs Jennifer Aniston, Federline vs Britney Spears, The People vs Larry Flint,¬†Ned Flanders vs Homer Simpson,¬†Agent Smith(s) vs NEO aka The One,¬†Nigerian, Interrupted vs … ūüôā

Entry #14 – A stockmarket with a twist

Okay, the idea is pretty simple. Forget the convetional company stocks & shares. How about shares based on real people?¬†Obama shares, Madonna stocks, Beckham securities,¬†Federer bonds. It sounds ludicrous but wouldn’t it be more fun? You could¬†naturally keep up with the news on your portfolio by listening to¬†CNN, SkyNews, ESPN, MTV News, etc. and you would be able to know how well they’re performing. You wouldn’t have to wait for your broker¬†to tell you when to sell or when to buy. After recent happenings, today I’d be selling all my Brown shares in the US and the UK¬†(Chris¬†and Gordon) and investing more in Beyonce,¬†Jonas Brothers¬†and¬†SpongeBob Squarepants.

I guess the only problem would be how much value you would put on all these celebrities¬†in the first place. Hmm…I’ll have to go back to the drawing board ūüôĀ