Continued from A Brief Encounter
You start to prepare mentally about how your dreaded dialogue with the freaky cleaner would go. This time around it’s the weekend so you’ll be able to give him a piece of your mind when he comes knocking on your front door. You’re not only perplexed about what he did with your briefs since you can’t find them, but you still don’t know what he went to do with them when he was no longer within your spy camera’s view. The cleaner arrives and he’s barley picked up the nearby broom before you unleash a barrage of questions.
You take him through a courtroom ordeal examining and cross-examining the defendant. You ask him what he typically does when he cleans your bedroom. His answer does not mention anything about going through your dirty laundry. You know he’s not under oath so you remind him that he was being watched by your surveillance camera and that you noticed his every move. You show him exhibit A from your phone and he instantly goes pale and then he starts to sing a different and unexpected tune.
He tells you that he doesn’t know what happened and that it was the devil that made him do it. You take a good hard look at him as if to elicit a more convincing response but that’s just about it. He stares back at you like a deer caught in the headlights. Devil claim aside, you quiz him on the whereabouts of your underwear and he acts confused. He stammers and then admits that he went home with it. You accuse him of stealing but he insists that his plan was to return them. At this point you ask him if he brought them along but his silence and long face gives you the answer. He begs you to forgive him and he promises you that he will return your briefs the next time he’s on duty. ‘Really? Return them?’, you say to yourself.
You recall that these briefs were special not just because they were a designer brand – they were your lucky charm. You wore it to that job interview that landed the role you’re currently in. You wore it the night you your girlfriend agreed to date you. If it could be personified it would be comfort, confidence and charm all wrapped in one. And all of a sudden this underwear-sniffing, mop-wielding buffoon has stolen it for himself. You wonder what his grand masterplan is – to eventually steal your girlfriend, your job and your life? More importantly you ask yourself whether you should still employ his services. You can’t fault that his cleaning is immaculate. He’s still begging you and he resorts to bended knees.
You contemplate and tell him all is forgiven but with a stern warning that such should not repeat itself. He is overjoyed. You’re feeling a bit better, though the mystery around his dodgy behaviour remains unexplained. You sit back and relax to resume binging on your favourite TV series. Hours after the cleaner finishes his job he bids you farewell and when he brings up the briefs issue you briefly tell him he can keep them. This puts a sheepish smile across his face which you choose to ignore. As you get back to your sofa you remember you haven’t tipped him and you call out from your window to the cleaner downstairs. You throw down the cash and as he bends over to pick it from the floor you see the outline of your once treasured Tommy Hilfiger briefs. You watch in horror as the lying thief walks off into the sunset with his newly acquired lucky charm.
It was a day not quite like any other day when I popped out of the office with a colleague for lunch at a nearby local restaurant. I was so hungry I could eat a horse (word to my stomach). I settled down to an aromatic bowl of okra soup with a generous ball of pounded yam and I couldn’t have washed my hand any quicker so I could dig in. It was halfway through my gulps of satisfaction and eyes rolling to the back of my head that an over zealous restaurant staff decided to reach over an switch on the air-conditioning close to me. Nothing prepared me for the next thing that happened.
