How to make a Chapman drink

Posted on May 17, 2020 by jollof

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For as long as I can remember there has been this fascination with the large red cocktail more commonly pronounced by the average Nigerian as ‘Shapman’. It has become synonymous with the popular orders made at our local Chinese restaurants, Recreational Clubs and more recently, weddings (though our wedding planners are notorious for being extremely selective with Chapman distribution – I‘ve never been offered any to date). Its origin is arguably in Nigeria but no one knows for sure. It isn’t necessarily expensive to buy (between N300 and N1000, i.e. $6 max.) nor is it difficult to make. But I think I know why there’s such a fuss over this bitter-sweet refreshment – it just tastes so damn good!

Today I’m running a small Chapman factory in my apartment (okay, not really but I do make them rather frequently) and I want to share the recipe for you to enjoy. Learn how to make Chapman is 6 easy steps!:

CHAPMAN RECIPE FOR 1 PERSON

Get a large tumbler/glass mug (necessary if you want to make your Chapman-experience last a bit)
Fill the glass halfway with ice cubes
Pour a capful of Grenadine or any blackcurrant cordial into the glass (for that red glow)
Pour in 2shots of Bitters – Any bitters you can find but you can also use Campari (In Lagos, Angostura Bitters is available at Goodies for N3,200).
Pour in equal amounts of…believe it or not…Fanta and Sprite then mix it up
Throw in a slice of lemon, garnish with a cucumber slice and dip-in a bendy straw
Sip slowly and try not to hum too much as your taste-buds go into a frenzy.
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Well there you have it. Simple, isn’t it? So the next time you’re sitting by your computer and one of your (anti-social) friends sends you a mouth-watering cocktail…via Facebook, make a Chapman to quench that insatiable thirst your ‘friend‘ created (remember to do point 7 ^^)…and then proceed to delete that friend from your Friend list (optional).

CHAPMAN RECIPE FOR 100 people

You’d need the following (if you are serving in small plastic cups):

– 1.5 litres of Ribena/Blacurrant cordial/Grenadine (about 1 big table spoon poured at the base of each cup)
– 50 cans of Sprite (half of each can poured into a cup)
– 50 cans of Fanta (half of each can poured into a cup)
– 10 medium lemons (each sliced in 10, making 100 slices)
– 10 medium cucumbers (each sliced into 20 and served two pieces per cup)
– 4 bottles of Alomo bitters or 3 bottles of Angosturra bitters (a capful poured into each cup)
– Probably 500 ice cubes equivalent (cheaper if you have ice trays at home. 5 cubes per cup)
– 100 bendy straws.
– Mixers (long plastic stirrers) are optional as you can use the straws to mix the drinks

N.B – If you use large mugs instead of plastic cups then use 100 cans of Sprite and 100 cans of Fanta (1 can of Sprite and Fanta per mug). Everything else remains the same.

Winning Oscars: for Dummies

Posted on May 12, 2012 by jollof

For all those aspiring to get their hands on that golden symbol of perfection I’ve ~~wiki~~ leaked these tips which the Oscar judges don’t want you to know:

When choosing a title for your epic movie make sure that it’s memorable, mysterious and most importantly, short. One-word movie titles are usually your safest bet, for example AVATAR (not The Blue People), TITANIC (not The Iceberg Strikes), INCEPTION (not Planting the Idea), ALI (not Sting Like a Bee), and GHANDI (not Stubborn Old Man) – you get the picture. Other great titles that have hit the mark are Philadelphia, Gladiator, Crash, Chicago, Unforgiven, Rocky, Shrek, etc. Of course there are exceptions to the rule with such bombshells as Crossroads, Glitter, Catwoman and Gigli.
You need to have a ridiculously huge budget. If you know your movie has scenes that need to be shot in Brazil but you have a movie-set back home in Europe which costs less and can be modified accordingly, then just ignore that and fly all the way to Brazil with your entire cast and film crew instead! There is not a movie to my recollection that won an oscar on a meager budget. Spend! Spend! Spend!
Next item on the agenda is Emotion! Emotion! Emotion! – aside from the tears you’ll be shedding after seeing the jaw-dropping total of all your film expenses, you need to ensure that your script is touching enough to jerk the tears out of your critical audience. Remember, strong themes which revolve around Love (Titanic), Betrayal (Titanic), Death (Titanic) and Slavery (Amistad) are excellent choices. But if you can fuse all four into one epic movie you’ll see the Oscar nominations rolling in pronto!
Ensure you have a good amount of cheesy, memorable quotesor 2-liner conversations. E.g. In The Blind Side observe: Some lady – ‘You are changing that young boy’s life.’ Sandra Bullock – ‘No..he’s changing mine.’ (Standing Ovation or vomit bag…your choice).
If you have problems handling any of the four tips then you can always settle for this most important tip – choose a reputable film director with a proven track record. If you’re well-connected and you try to work with the likes of either Spielberg, Soderbergh, Scorsese or Cameron then I can’t see how you can possibly go wrong.

　…and if you still haven’t won an oscar after applying all these principles time and time again, then don’t despair…there’s always the posthumous Oscar award up for grabs!

Lagos Life – A guide to choosing stuff

Posted on February 26, 2010 by jollof

Grab your trolley and lets go shopping around for…stuff in Lagos, Nigeria. I’ll show you the top choices of the average Lagosian but note that the list is not exhaustive.

Mobile phone network/line: