Excuse /ik-skyϋz/ noun. something offered as justification or as grounds for being excused; an expression of regret or failure to do something; a reason or explanation put forward to defend or justify a fault or offence (Sources: Google, Merriam-Webster.com).  

Not everyone is skilled at making things, but you don’t need a lecturer to teach you how to make ‘excuses’ – that’s second nature to us. Everybody, at some time or the other, makes excuses but the ones that piss me off are those coming from people you care about.

Some of my good friends have given me very flimsy excuses. On one occasion, I had invited a couple of them over for food and drinks (I never even imposed that they bring a customary bottle of wine like Europeans do). I gave one month’s notice, a week’s notice and then finally a day’s notice. On D-day, however, one hour went by, and then two, yet no one had shown up to my shindig, which eventually turned out to be a shitdig (you dig?). Among the excuses were:

• I have this wedding today but I’ll pass by afterwards
• The traffic at my end is serious but I’m on my way
• Is it today? I thought it was next Saturday!
• I didn’t get your text, pity. Maybe some other time…
• I’m waiting for my sister to bring the car back
• Is anyone there yet? (I mean, seriously??? Would a ‘yes’ send you rushing down? Hang on…is that even an excuse? That’s a sneaky enquiry!)

I probably had more excuses lined up but I wasn’t ready to waste my valuable call credit hearing them. Needless to say, being a master of plan Bs, I simply called another bunch of friends the following weekend and I went from shitdig to shindiggity-do-dah! What a fuckin’ riot!

Excuses should be limited to places where they’re less likely to hurt a person in particular. For instance, the office gets a barrage of excuses which don’t directly hurt any one particular individual. Some of the popular ones I’ve heard include: ‘I had the runs’; ‘My car didn’t start’; ‘I had a flat tyre’; ‘There was an accident my way to work’; ‘I forgot my phone at home and had to go back’ etc. And when they start getting less creative, you got concise excuses such as ‘Family emergency’ (because no supervisor or boss usually wants to know all the gory details for possible fear of being asked for financial assistance).

I’ve often wondered, are excuses just creative lies or are they ever believed to be genuine (even when they are)? I’ve used them…I’ve used them a lot, unfortunately. All the times I’ve been invited to one function or the other, times when I was supposed to clean up my apartment, times when should have gone to the gym, times when I should have said a short prayer before starting my day…I’ve even delayed this post for a while and I have no excuse for that. To all those who plan on making their next excuse, consider the following: Would you like it if someone told you that same excuse? Are you sure you haven’t used the same excuse for the same person? What’s the worst that could happen if you say yes?

It’s late now. I want to go to bed. I feel I’ve written enough on this topic…well, like them or not, those are my excuses 🙂

See also D is for Desperado