I personally don’t like seeing grown men being reduced to tears but from my own little research I’ve come to realize that they are sometimes justified in doing so. Here’s why…

They’ve experienced their first heartbreak. You can imagine a situation where the girl you’ve been with from childhood suddenly comes up with some flimsy excuse and dumps you…for your best friend…over the phone…on your birthday. This could aptly explain why men later go on to have serial relationships in which they exhibit little or no sensitivity as they try to shield their emotions from further shredding. Recommended Crying Options: Trickling tears, Sobbing.

Their football club performed badly. I’m not a major football fan (never have been and never will be) so I’m still baffled when die-hard football fans take some football matches so seriously and go through the following process – Anxiety (when their club is playing), Frustration (when their club is behind on points), Anger (when their club has conceded yet another goal), and finally Misery (when their club has: lost the match; the chance to win the premiership and; has consequently been relegated. The men turn on the waterworks at this point). Recommended Crying Options: Wailing, Tears with sniffles.

They’ve seen their wedding bill. This is predominantly common with African men, as they are less familiar with the ridiculous option of taking on a 3-year personal loan to finance a wedding. Love does make some men do crazy things so if their wife-to-be insists on a wedding extravaganza the Guy-Cry tends to occur when he writes the cheque…before, during and after signing. Recommended Crying Options: Tears with complaints.

They realized they didn’t marry the hotter sister. You’ll have to applaud the evasive skills of some determined women. I mean, men have to be a bit more thorough during the dating stage: ask for family photographs, browse through her Facebook contacts, etc. At the end of the day, if the hotter sister is on the other side of the world and only appears in person at the wedding then the groom should be asking himself some serious questions like, ‘Will I ever be able to act normal whenever she visits my family home?’ Such men are probably not in love. Recommended Crying Options: Tears with mumbles of regret.

They’ve taken a hit in the genitals. There are probably two categories of men who can relate to this: Men involved in high contact sports; and men who’ve made an inappropriate move on a woman. The tears literally jump out of your sockets and the pain is almost indescribable (but I’ll go ahead and make a modest attempt). It’s like an electrical surge that starts from the bowels and replicates itself into the spine and then the entire body in a matte of seconds. Estimated Time of Immobility – 15 mins approx. Recommended Crying Options: Tears with grunts and moaning.

They’ve hit that big toe…again. This equally excruciating ordeal is usually experienced by men who are very clumsy, men with big feet and men who refuse to get prescription glasses. Common objects of contact include door edges, table legs and in my own case, bed legs. Usual time of occurrence is in the middle of the night on the way to the fridge to get a light snack, or during the early hours of the morning when staggering to the toilet half-asleep. Recommended Crying Options: Watery eyes with occasional swearing.

The mother-in-law is moving in for good. Not for the man’s good, might I add. If you can just imagine a situation where men come back from a hard day at work and have to be subjected to the constant interference in all their affairs. It’s probably not so bad when the men are on good terms with their mother-in-laws but when it’s otherwise be rest assured that the wife would most likely take sides with her mum. For passive men, I have no sympathy. Recommended Crying Options: Tears on the pillow.

They’ve watched Shawshank Redemption or Armageddon. Somehow I believe, regardless of sensitivity levels, men who do not shed at least one tear drop after watching either of these movies is a cold-blooded serial killer in the making. According to Wikipedia these two movies are the top 2 when it comes to tear-jerkers for men. Click on the link to find out the rest of the Top 10 and see if you agree (or if you have any you dare to add). Recommended Crying Options: Tears with heavy breathing.

They’ve held their first child. When men see a mini-version of themselves there’s something that just melts their hearts and unconsciously turns on the waterworks. It’s either that or they’re disguising the fact that the bones in their hand were half-crushed by their labouring wives earlier. Ironically, in the first encounter between a father and his child they both cry in varying degrees. The worst case scenario is when a man cries because the child is clearly from another race (the wife would have some serious explaining to do). I don’t have any kids yet (or a wife for that matter) so I’ll have to wait and see how I react. Recommended Crying Options: Tears of joy which may include big smiles and runny noses.

If you can think of a tenth scenario where it’s ok for men to cry then I’ll be more than happy to hear it 🙂