Happy New Year! Welcome to my first post in 2012. I’ve delayed this post for long enough and despite having the worst, chesty cough in medical history (or what I prefer to call ‘a phlegm fest’), coupled with a double-cancellation on a confirmed flight booking which forced me to endure a 7-hour spacebus ride on pothole-riddled roads back to Lagos, I’ve summoned enough strength and sanity to finally grace my keyboard and serve you yet another crazy article (Don’t worry, Air Nigeria; I’ll be suing your asses right after I hit the ‘Publish’ button).

Last year I made a couple of resolutions and now I thought it best to fine tune them so they’re a bit more…well…feasible. I don’t see the point in saying, for example, ‘This year I am going to quit smoking’ and then by January 10th you’re frantically ransacking your apartment for that ’emergency cigarette’; you know, the one you consciously hid on the same day you made that resolution, just in case. Anyway, here’s a peek at updates for my new year resolution:

2011: Go out more
2012: Go out more than once a week or else I’ll end up only having online friends and virtual cocktails/events on Facebook

2011: Do exercise
2012: Do exercise only when my reckless bingeing is an inch from taking its toll on my belly, or I can just stick to believing that Love Handles actually come from Cupid.

2011: Open a couple more saving accounts
2012: Open a couple more saving accounts and actually put money into all of them to avoid the painstaking ordeal of reactivating dormant accounts.

2011: Learn another language
2012: Learn another language when I can ascertain that some of the side talk (from suspicious colleagues speaking that other language) is about me.

2011: Date young women
2012: Date young women and confirm from their siblings or online yearbooks whether they are definitely not 5 years younger or older than I am.

2011: Wear my heart on my sleeve
2012: Wear my heart on my sleeve as far as special cufflinks are concerned.

2011: Finish writing my book
2012: Finish writing my book even if I can only manage a hundred pages and it’s mostly a compilation of every embarrassing (but strangely entertaining) moment in my life.

I’ll spare you any further insights to my resolutions for fear of possible adoption and replication. This year, try to keep your resolutions…and if you can’t do that then keep your sanity. Now, where’s that Air Nigeria Customer Complaint line…