Choice is a bitch. I think God knew that too. So whilst we bask in the joy of having free will we find that sooner or later we may be scared shit-less when it comes to making life-changing and sometimes destiny-altering decisions like ‘Do I stay single or do I want to get married?’ This is a crossroad which I am getting closer and closer to each day.
The decision would vary from one individual to another. In my case, I have enjoyed ‘singular’ benefits including:
- Do whatever the hell I want, when I want, how I want and, most importantly, if I want
- Worry about ME, think about ME and dream about anybody I want
- No commitment = No Valentine, Birthday or monthly anniversary bills
- My private mobile phone line can remain that way – private
- Phone conversations no longer than 2 minutes = better ear health
Unlike marriage, being single gives me the opportunity to go into a relationship with the option of having a get out of
jail relationship card. With no implied reference to sex, it’s an opportunity to test the waters without diving in. I can make mistakes, and ‘she’ can make mistakes (not deliberately of course). We could break up and still be friends with benefits.
Like most single people I have quite a number of married friends, all slowly drifting away like Taylor Swift from whoever her current boyfriend is. I understand that marriage could have its daily demands, especially where children are involved, and so single people like me become less important – with less calls, less hangouts, less interests in games like Spin the Bottle, etc.
More importantly, I have been evaluating reasons why people consider getting married in the first place:
Tradition – ‘My mum and dad did it so what the hell…might as well do the same’
Feelamongus – An infectious disease where you feel to be among the married crowd and relate mutually you must get married. Basically a status thing.
Societal Pressure – ‘When are you inviting us to eat rice?’, ‘Why are aren’t you married?’, ‘Are you looking for a perfect woman?’, ‘Is there something wrong with you?’ etc.
Companionship – Nobody truly wants to live and die alone. This includes raising a family and, if one’s
virile ambitious enough, a football team 😉
What’s MY reason? A bit of everything I’ve listed above, to be honest. Deep down I want to. I know I’m ready to take that step out of bachelorhood and into my matrimonial home. I’ll miss all my perks of being single and I’ll have to learn to adjust fairly quickly to having my partner’s shit taking over the space where I used to keep my shit. I also hope that whenever she gets angry I can put up with her bullshit and that she can equally put up with my bullshit. The big question for many is WHO am I going to marry. The big question for a few is WHEN am I going to marry. And for me the big question I’m asking myself is…
Never heard of this dreadful disease called Feelamongus, but from what you described, I think a lot of my friends are suffering from it! In any case, please whenever you do decide what you want to do with your freedom, let me make you some Nigerian Meatpie like I did for the Nigerian Husband over Christmas. Such a big decision needs to be celebrated with lots of Nigerian meat pies.
Oh yes o! LOL. Thanks Vou. YOu know I looooooove my food so I just pray you can do express delivery to my location when I’m all set to tie the wrapper…I mean knot!
LOL, love your honest take on the pros and cons, however, i still feel you missed out a very important aspect of marriage.
Marriage will be the single most grown up decision you will ever make.
Marriage in an ideal situation, should happen when a man/woman is mature enough to take the responsibility to be a source of emotional and financial support for his wife and possibly children.
It not about losing your ‘freedom’ but about gaining the privileged of starting a life long journey with another person,
Infact, if you think it terms of pros and cons you will be losing the point completely.
The only reason to marry, beyond the biological need to procreate, is when you get to the point in your life where you are
1. ready for the responsibility
2. willing to make all the necessary sacrifices and compromises.
3. met someone with whom you would want to share the rest of your life with (this is the tricky part)
Cultural expectations are not good enough reasons to make such a huge commitment
Thanks Wesi. That compromise/sacrifice part is so vital indeed. And one also has to be able to love oneself before he/she can truly love someone else. I’m looking forward to the life long journey and I appreciate the encouragement 🙂
So from your question, I guess you have found her and you have gathered the resources needed… in other words, you are unready- ready? Scared to take the plunge I guess. Need a shove?
Lol. I’m on the edge so I guess a good shove is well in order. Not a big fan of plunges tho (still putting off my bungee jump – 5 years and counting…)
A good shove you will get then, maybe sooner than you think. Could you explain that bit about the bungee jump?
The bungee jump is something I’ve been wanting to do but haven’t quite grown the balls to for now
Ha! For 5years? I pray the marriage thing won’t have same fate
My marriage will not be delayed that long by the grace of God, hehehe.
it was really fun to read…then you showed your hand 🙁
Thanks for the correction – a stark reminder that I am not above all spelling mistakes 😉 Hope I haven’t disappointed you indefinitely *bites fingernails*
i can totally relate
Thanks Favour. I hope to write more relatable articles to keep you coming back 😉
Get married! 🙂
One last shove required lol. Any other volunteers?
Ah, the life long question. I am single and hope to get married someday but when I think of leaving single life those same questions come in mind and I realised I have become comfortable with single life.
P.S: On the issue of Bungee jumping, no one is ever ready, when I decided to jump, everything was alright till the time to jump came, I wasn’t ready but couldn’t turn back. In the end it was totally worth it!
Hehe, I’m jealous about the bungee jump. Single is so addictive and selfish at the same time lol. I pray we both get married…er not to each other…not that you’re not marriage worthy…i mean in our individual lives….aaaaaah you know what I mean lol
Heheheh. I pray we both find someone who makes the single life meaningless. Like I say, Life is short jump off a cliff
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