I love Suggestive Statements

Sometimes I admire the tact used by reporters or commentators on TV when trying to make the mediocre sound downright fantastic. For example, I was watching the Beijing ATP Masters (fancy mumbo jumbo for Pro Tennis) and the commentator described one of the players as being ranked in the world’s top 10. Let’s just pause there for a minute. I haven’t told you what that tennis player’s actual ranking is but I’m sure you’re not thinking he’s No.1 or No. 2 or No.3. What about No.4 or No. 5 or No. 6? Neh. I’m pretty sure your guess is leaning towards No.8 or No.9 – if so, you’re getting warmer. That player was ranked No.10 (Well wrap me in a Nigerian flag and call me crazy!).

In a similar vein, when I was applying for a university I stumbled upon the University of Plymouth. It was said to have one of the Top 5 business schools in the United Kingdom. At that time I was able to deduce that it was ranked 4th – doesn’t sound as cool as being in the ‘Top 5’ eh? But it doesn’t end there. Everyday we’re bombarded with suggestive statements which we probably need to analyze carefully before making any rash decisions. Some people would snub a car that was referred to as a ‘secondhand car’ but strangely when you refer to such a car as a ‘fairly used’ car your subconscious tells you that the longest journey that car ever did was probably from the showroom to the garage where it sat idle for months. Bottom line: It is still a secondhand car by the time you buy it.

At the office I get asked questions which suggest an ulterior motive. For example, when I’m walking in a certain direction and colleagues say, ‘Are you going to the printer?’ I know that they probably want me to put some paper in it or collect a printed document on their behalf. Or what about when I’m about to drive home and my colleagues ask, ‘Which way are you going?’ That could only suggest they want a ride. Why can’t people just go straight to the point rather than go round the bush. It would save a whole lot of time and saliva. There are exceptional situations though…

On one occasion I decided to check into a lavish hotel I hadn’t been to before. I asked the receptionist how much the standard rooms were per night and after she responded I asked her if discounts were given to Oil & Gas staff. Her reaction: She became rather coy and told me Oil & Gas staff got special discounts. That was all it took. Without showing any ID I was given a fantastic discount (I got an Executive room for less than the price of a Standard room) based on my suggestive question. So I guess sometimes it does pay off. Suggestive statements are deliberate but it’s how the recipient decides to interpret them that makes for an interesting and sometimes unpredictable outcome.

You would think that with all the mentions I’ve given WordPress in previous posts I would have been Freshly Pressed by now. I’ll just have to accept that WordPress is immune to my suggestive statements. Back to the Drawing Dashboard (moan). 

Other examples of suggestive statements:

  • Look at the time! (You want to leave or you want an unwanted guest to leave)
  • Size doesn’t matter (You are probably not particularly ‘well-endowed’) 
  • Don’t call us, we’ll call you (They’ll never call you…trust me)
  • My second university choice is… (Oh c’mon! You don’t want anything but the first choice)
  • How was your weekend? (Nobody really wants to know. They’re just making small-talk so just say ‘Fine. And you?’ and you’ll all be able to carry on with your plastic smiles)
  • Let me have your Blackberry Pin (Which basically means I would much rather save some money chatting with you than calling you which I probably never will if you’re on a different phone network)

Hmm…my tummy is growling 😉


6 thoughts on “I love Suggestive Statements

  1. A discount without even showing and ID? I guess Christmas came early for you then!

    I can assure you that the “Look at the time” comment does NOT work on Nigerians. You might get responses like “The night is still young” or “I don’t have any other plans” or worse still … NO RESPONSE!

Leave a Reply