1.37pm – As I sit here in this corporate prison, choked by my own Finelli necktie and nauseated by this cologne that I use predominantly for this ‘Five to Nine’ (No typo – I wake up 5am and get back by 9pm), I already dread the impending road congestion parade and the utter disregard of the highway code by notorious ‘motorpsycholists’ (Again, no typo).
I begin to analyze the principle of Cause and Effect with relevance to the current state of economic affairs. Most Nigerian banks have been exposed to risk by careless lending (Cause) which may potentially lead to colossal money losses (Effect). Some banks go on a defensive and start to cut their ‘losses’ by cutting jobs. Cutting jobs leads to lowered morale within the retained workforce, but jobhunting and high blood pressure for the booted. Jobhunting for 1month = Anticipation. Jobhunting for 2-3months = Frustration. Jobhunting for 4-6months = Desperation. Jobhunting for over 6-8months = (Possible) Suicide contemplation. Jobhunting for 8-10months = Partial transformation to Schemer/Scammer. Jobhunting for over 1year = Complete transformation to Schemer/Scammer.
Everyday you are thankful that you still have a job…a reason to get dressed in the morning…a reason to smile at the end of each month. The hard-hitting reality is a pill too bitter to swallow – the Recession is the new stealth virus whose only close rival is Swine flu. But the Recession doesn’t just stop at cutting jobs, deteriorating health and inducing paranoia about job security. It goes on to have an adverse effect on the economy. With the rise in unemployment comes the surge in crime and there are bound to be casualties.
Alas, my lunch break is over. I see my work before me and the ghost of Recession hovering in the distance with a dark cloak and a razor-sharp sickle. It is ready to harvest jobs but I am not ready to yield it any fruit. I am armed with my product knowledge, I.T and Marketing skills, an excellent appraisal, and a prayer. I must remain relevant in the system to avoid being weeded out. I must avoid the weeds around me who harbor toxic attiitudes. I will not be choked up. I will loosen my Finelli necktie and switch to another cologne. I will take control of my destiny, look the 8-foot Grim Recession Reaper in the eye and say, “You want my job? You’re going to have to get past me first!”
hey cuz thats some deep shit. fight! fight!!! fight !!!!
I’ve got my machete cuz…wa-taa!
Impressive !! I liked the description of the Recession Grim Reaper .. I can totally picture him hovering a few inches above the ground, with his cloak partially covering his face and shadowing his face …. now I have the creepies !!!
Thanks D – I do scare myself too sometimes, lol
then again if you really want to take your destiny in your hands what better way is there than to be your own boss and defeat the grim reaper. With the skills you highlighted i am sure we can do something together (message). Lol. No really think about it. Later
hey, i’m open to offers. I plan to be my own boss…when it can pay the bills comfortably preferrably 🙂
CUZ then you are really not ready to be your own boss cos before it can pay the bll comfortablly there is bound to be some blood sweat and sorrows before the sun shines. that’s the fun of the game.
but i assure you there is a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. FREEDOM. i am already on my way and loving every moment