“Where to get help_nigeria_feeling suicidal”

I was viewing my WordPress Dashboard some days ago and I came across the disturbing words (in my Top Searches) which I’ve used for the title of this article. It got me thinking about what possible traumatic events had made this particular reader feel suicidal. Whatever the reason, here are a few things that could help:

  1. In Nigieria you could call Chaz B on Inspiration 92.3 FM and pour out your problems to a listening ear. You would probably get some suggestions on how to get back on your feet. His numbers are; 01-2773923, 01-2772923, 08139009000 (Dial ‘234’ first and remove the zero if calling from outside Nigeria)
  2. If you’re religious then go to your local church and talk to the pastor/reverend/vicar/priest about what you’re going through.
  3. Try being around people who have made you happy in the past. Such people would presumably be your family members, close peers or your partner. Just avoid negative people during this period – they won’t help your situation.
  4. Start a blog. You could choose to be anonymous in order to feel free with writing about your innermost feelings. Readers could give good advice and even share similar experiences which they’ve been able to handle.
  5. Last but not the least, if you happen to stop by The Crazy Nigerian again then you could send me a private email via crazy_nigerian@ymail.com

It’s not the end of the world so feeling suicidal should just be a passing phase. Life is worth living and no matter how hard it gets you’ve got (a) friend(s) who will get you through rough times 😀

Entry #40 – Recess is over but the Recession continues

recession21.37pm – As I sit here in this corporate prison, choked by my own Finelli necktie and nauseated by this cologne that I use predominantly for this ‘Five to Nine’ (No typo – I wake up 5am and get back by 9pm), I already dread the impending road congestion parade and the utter disregard of the highway code by notorious ‘motorpsycholists’ (Again, no typo).

I begin to analyze the principle of Cause and Effect with relevance to the current state of economic affairs. Most Nigerian banks have been exposed to risk by careless lending (Cause) which may potentially lead to colossal money losses (Effect). Some banks go on a defensive and start to cut their ‘losses’ by cutting jobs. Cutting jobs leads to lowered morale within the retained workforce, but jobhunting and high blood pressure for the booted. Jobhunting for 1month = Anticipation. Jobhunting for 2-3months = Frustration. Jobhunting for 4-6months = Desperation. Jobhunting for over 6-8months =  (Possible) Suicide contemplation. Jobhunting for 8-10months = Partial transformation to Schemer/Scammer. Jobhunting for over 1year = Complete transformation to Schemer/Scammer.

Everyday you are thankful that  you still have a job…a reason to get dressed in the morning…a reason to smile at the end of each month. The hard-hitting reality is a pill too bitter to swallow – the Recession is the new stealth virus whose only close rival is Swine flu. But the Recession doesn’t just stop at cutting jobs, deteriorating health and inducing paranoia about job security. It goes on to have an adverse effect on the economy. With the rise in unemployment comes the surge in crime and there are bound to be casualties.

Alas, my lunch break is over. I see my work before me and the ghost of Recession hovering in the distance with a dark cloak and a razor-sharp sickle. It is ready to harvest jobs but I am not ready to yield it any fruit. I am armed with my product knowledge, I.T and Marketing skills, an excellent appraisal, and a prayer. I must remain relevant in the system to avoid being weeded out. I must avoid the weeds around me who harbor toxic attiitudes. I will not be choked up. I will loosen my Finelli necktie and switch to another cologne. I will take control of my destiny, look the 8-foot Grim Recession Reaper in the eye and say, “You want my job? You’re going to have to get past me first!”