Four Weddings and a Refusal

At most wedding ceremonies I’ve attended in Lagos I was a mere spectator; marveling at such things as the reprimand of poorly clad bridesmaids by the priest, the sometimes risqué shenanigans of the MC or the conversion of the dance area to a bureau de change for showering the newly weds with. But back in London I got my first taste of participation when I was asked by my good friend (and university classmate) to be his Best Man.

Wedding 1: Role – Best Man (Novice)

  • I substituted the groom’s shadow for the duration of the wedding ceremony
  • I was entrusted with wedding bands which I had no choice of forgetting…or else
  • I served as an eye-witness and co-signatory on the marriage certificate
  • I had to give a (memorable) toast at the reception without shooting myself in the foot

Wedding 2: Role – Best Man (Fairly experienced)

  • I was approached by a colleague at work whom I knew fairly little about
  • My selection was based on: looks, availability, and capacity to afford a new suit
  • I was armed with handkerchiefs to wipe the sweat off the groom’s face
  • I had to pick all the cash thrown at the dancing newly weds for about an hour or so
  • I had to give a best man speech…about a guy whom I knew fairly little about

Wedding 3: Role – MC and Groom’s man (Experienced)

  • I was the impromptu MC at my younger sister’s traditional wedding ceremony
  • I helped usher different veiled women who came to deceive the groom but failed
  • Some months later I was a groom’s man at the follow-up white wedding
  • I bought yet another custom suit
  • As for the entertainment, let’s just say Michael Jackson would have been proud!

Wedding 4: Role – Best Man (Veteran)

  • I had to purchase a plane ticket, charter a taxi which drove me over 6 hours to Oz
  • I bought yet another custom suit and a pair of shoes.
  • Resumed cash collection duties and exchanging small denominations for the large
  • I gave the proverbial toast…to an audience unwilling to raise their glasses *hmm…*

And now for the grand finale – who got a refusal at the following wedding; the bride or the groom?

The answer is BOTH. It was I who categorically refused to be their best man just so I don’t I become the butt of some MC’s joke (e.g. ‘Wait a minute, weren’t you the best man at the last wedding I performed at?’). The next wedding I get actively involved in will be my own so help me God 🙂

13 thoughts on “Four Weddings and a Refusal

  1. lol,……this was soo funny, the fact that I was reading this out to a friend was more fun…..Amen to you and I hope the best man at your wedding won’t be the inspiration for the MC.,…lol. Thanks Jollof, this cracked me up real good…and get ready for the wedding ooh,..don’t forget to extend me invitations ooh. Come to think of it, I noticed that you didn’t even give us the courtesy of a reply on your post “Religion is for Sinners”…pls do ooh. I’ll be expecting a notification, atleast so I don’t think I was talking to myself. By the way, that was my first time on your blog, I didn’t actually get a welcome hug or a jollof rice, lol. Have a great week. God bless you

    http://www.phroonesis.wordpress.com

    • Pardon me, where on earth are my manners…*extends a plate of microwaved jollof rice from TFC (Tasty Fried Chicken) and a glass of Chapman* I hope I’ve redeemed myself lol. I’m looking forward to the day I’ll do mine and order my best man to wipe my face every 10 seconds. I’ve been meaning to reply to the Religion is for sinners’ article but got carried away writing new stuff. Will do the needful. Keep coming for more crazy stories 🙂

      • Just because the meal was tasty, Yes you have,…I’m full already,..lol. I can only pray that your brst man isn’t someone I know. I’ll definitely come for more of your awesomeness. Don’t forget to branch my blog for a taste of my own “Fried Rice and Chicken”..lol. I’ll wait for the reply then.
        Have a great time.

        http://www.phroonesis.wordpress.com

  2. I was an MC recently at a wedding and a heck of a lot more work goes into it than you would think! Even right to the point of ushering the remaining guests onto the bus at the end of the evening and warning them with threat of death not to harass the driver if he would not let them off at their specific stop if it was not safe to do so! lol.

    • Lol @ threat of death. You have to do whatever it takes to get the job done. Good to have your blog print back here Yvette. Will mosey on to your blog soon to borrow a cup of sugar *tee hee*

  3. p.s. I’d love to hear more about that tradition of veiled women trying to trick the groom. I’ve not heard of that before. it sounds very interesting. And throwing money? We don’t tend to do that here. Another interesting one! Please elaborate!!! 🙂

    • Hmm, I’m tempted to satisfy your curiosity with another post but perhaps just watch this space and I’ll tell you all about my crazy wedding tradition 🙂

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