Invitation /ɪnvɪˈteɪʃ(ə)n/ a written or verbal request inviting someone to go somewhere or to do something (Google definition). A written or verbal request inviting someone to an event which he (usually a ‘he’) may not necessarily be allowed to partake in on arrival (Crazy Nigerian definition).
For me, secondary school was an eye-opener. From the despicable rumours of seemingly angelic girls ‘behaving badly’ after school, to boys pawning their parents belongings and furniture to finance their swag. I was mere spectator but a curious one at that. There was even this one kid who brought a keg of petrol to burn down the school! But nothing could have prepared me for what I considered pure evil. I like to call it the Outvite; allow me to illustrate…
Exams are over and all the students are looking forward to the next big party to celebrate the end of crash-course-textbook
studying cramming. It’s up to the various boy crews to come to the rescue. Some of them have a reputation of throwing the ‘baddest’ parties in town at rented mansions or the swanky clubs (not bad for a generation of 15 – 16 year olds wouldn’t you say?). Before long you begin to notice that those crew members are passing round small cards to students, almost like they were trying to promote a debut album. You wait in anticipation but nothing happens. You make yourself very accessible by waiting in the corridors, walking past the crew members intermittently but still no invite. A day passes. Then another day passes. You’ve only got 2 days left before the big shindig on Saturday and you begin to wonder if you’re ‘hip’ enough in the first place. Finally, a crew member approaches you and hands you an invitation card. Happy days!!! (or is it…)
On Friday you get wind of the fact that some special students are getting ‘the real’ invite. WTF? You pull out the invitation card you’ve so carefully tucked inside your Velcro wallet and stare at it, somehow trying to confirm its authenticity. But of course, you have no idea what ‘the real’ invite looks like (duh!) so you are now on a wild goose chase checking what other boys were given. You don’t bother with the girls because for one, their invites are usually a different colour and two, they ALWAYS get into the party. You would need a nice ‘set of jugs’ and a full load of ‘junk in the trunk’ to stand a chance of getting in. You talk to the crew member who gave you the invitation and he assures you that the invite you’re holding is the real McCoy (well that’s easy for him to say – he’s got ‘VIP reservations’ at the party!). You’re mind is at peace and your BP is back to normal. All you have to worry about is what you’ll wear…
You arrive an hour after the stipulated time at this top-notch club one fine Saturday afternoon and you notice everything seems normal; bouncers are checking invitations produced by the teenage invitees and they’re trooping in all smug and chirpy. The ambiance of the low-lit bar area, the rotating disco lights shooting colours all over the dance floor and the DJ mixing the ‘Hip Hop Hooray’ track is a good sign it’s gonna be a good night. The girls are sitting in groups (as they do) and the boys are like hawks watching from a distance strategizing on how best to catch their prey. You’re doing the same but you’re just contemplating a bit of under-aged drinking when suddenly the DJ stops the music and announces on the mic:
‘ALL BOYS OUT!’
Panic ensues. You notice that the bouncers who were once outside the club are now ushering boys from the dance floor to the exit. These are 7 ft mammoths you don’t want tussle with. And they are thorough too; you see this one boy who is dragged out of the men’s toilet where he was hiding. You see some girls laughing at his plight. You start making your way out too and even overhear some boys telling their dates that they’ll be back (if only they knew). You’re all not just outside the club now – you’re outside the gate. All the boys are wondering what the hell is going on. Even the crew members are outside with you so you’re thinking ‘Is it because we’re 15 years of age?’ And then you notice one boy who’s on the other side of the gate who comes up and stands between the bouncers – it’s the crew member who gave you ‘the real invite’. He’s careful not to make eye contact with anyone but instead he seems more interested in the small sheet of paper he’s holding in his hand. And then he breaks the silence:
‘If you hear your name you can come back inside…’
Oh crap!!! Of course you and the rest of the boys get agitated as you see the other crew members going back in, being the obvious names called in the list first. You hear some boys calling the list bearer’s name pleading, begging…anything to get his attention but he’s not the slightest bit interested. You begin to shout his name too and hope that he gives you just a second’s glance and then you can lay the puppy-dog look on him (you really haven’t got that many options). You look down in defeat when it seems like he’s reached the end of the list and only half of the boys have been called back in. Even couples who came together were separated by this f**king list. Luckily you hear the sweetest sound ever – your name. You’re in! You’re back in business and you ain’t looking back (‘So long, suckers! hehe’). But dear readers, don’t you think this was a bit too cruel? The invitation card may well have said:
“You are cordially invited to stay outside the party. Don’t worry, we’ll tell you all about it…if we can be bothered.”
That’s the kind of secondary school I went to *insert straight face*
Hilarious! But you will be surprised that girls can be fenced too by girls themselves at the prelims , you need to watch ‘Jenifa’ by Funke Akindele to understand.
Jenifa got fenced by girls? lol I never thought that could happen. I know the character and seen some clips but not a full movie. But why do girls beef girls for no reason anyway? Mystery…
Not much of a party person but I would likely have been on such a list (er….I hope *nervous glancing*)
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