Originally posted in Sugar! Weddings

Kissing Impossible: For the aspiring grooms reading this article, your mission (if you choose to accept it) is to kiss the bride – code name Operation KTB. Brides – yours is by far simpler – 1) Stand still and allow the groom to advance towards you. 2) Start to close your eyes as he gets closer (you know it’s not polite to stare). And 3) For God’s sake cooperate with him by raising your chin up so he gets a better angle to plant the kiss, unless of course he’s as tall as Danny Devito (in which case I strongly recommend that you lift him up and complete the mission yourself!)

This mission comes with only a few weapons as it is predominantly skill-based. The bride would be armed with a choice of flavoured chapsticks to attack dried or cracked lips (not hers of course, the groom’s). The bride would also be expected to wear lipstick that wouldn’t leave a smudge that even the CSI team would have a hard time getting out. NB – For the bride: Maybelline. For the groom: Maybe not…

Lip-locking comes in different styles and techniques and believe me I’ve seen quite a few displays at the altar. They range from the mild peck on the cheek to the 1-minute face-off (as in chewing each other’s faces off). But albeit neat or slimy, the kiss between the bride and groom is usually the climax after vows are exchanged and should therefore be made memorable…for all the good reasons.

The last thing you and your partner want to do is engage in what your wedding guests would describe as ‘a poorly rehearsed nose fight’ or ‘a clash of the fore-heads’. It’s sometimes a wonder how something you do naturally behind closed doors suddenly becomes complicated on the big day. This is not the case for everyone though. There are some tongue-jousting pros out there who could give you a Holly/Bolly/Nollywood-style kiss on demand – but I’ll let you in on a little secret – these special agents practise and also decide on how that special kiss will be executed.

So before your ‘mmmuah!’ moment becomes a ‘muhaha!’ moment for the rest of us onlookers, think carefully about how you want your kiss to pan out. Feel free to ‘spy’ on other couple’s wedding-kiss tactics and then you can become the spy in readiness for your mission. Keep it short, Keep it sweet…Oh what the hell, you’ve already planted the love bug so pucker up and just go for it! : )

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By T. Anthony