Call it a bout of N.Y.R.A (New Year Resolution Anxiety) but this year I want to quit doing some things I’m not particularly proud of. I’m sure there’s more than ten but I’ll stick with the ones I feel are priority. Feel free to criticize, analyze or empathize once I’m done:

Shouting obscenities at bad motorists: I’m not saying I’m the best driver in Lagos but I’m definitely one of the sanest. Up till 2012, whenever somebody cut me off in traffic, I swore. Whenever a public bus a.k.a ‘danfo’ stopped in the middle of the road to pick up or drop off passengers, I swore. Whenever an idiot closed his/her eyes and reversed into my car, nearby parents had to cover their children’s ears or risk their innocence being stolen. This year I’ve resolved to count to ten and take deep meditative breaths…Woosah!

Piling up clothes and dishes…for days: One of the beauties of living alone is that you don’t have anyone to ask you, ‘When are you going to do the washing up?’ I don’t mind and even the rats and roaches don’t mind. The consequent smell, however, does render this benefit short-lived. Don’t get me wrong, I love a spotless kitchen and an empty sink. But I’ve got enough excuses lined up each time I throw in a soiled plate – Fraiser is on!, now NCIS is on!…now The Mentalist is on! Oh look at the time, I have to go to bed now…waking up early for work tomorrow! Well, I do the dishes daily now. As for my laundry I’ve got a washing machine now so those mold mountains are history.

Pacing up and down when I’m on a mobile call: I’ll probably need to add shoes to my shopping list this month ‘cos I’ve worn out most of my soles whilst chatting on my phone. So, I’ve figured out what triggers my pacing – phone calls. Now I need to figure out how to stop it. Please don’t recommend glue, it’s not funny (…actually when you picture it…lol). I could take off my shoes so the soles are safe and then once the soles of my feet start to blister then I’ll know it’s time to get off the phone. Better yet, when my phone rings I make sure I’m seated before answering – that could just work (note to self).

Not updating my blog at least once a week: Work was my excuse in 2012. In 2013 work is still my excuse (surprise surprise). I don’t want to post on my blog for the sake of posting unless I feel inspired. What I will attempt this time around is to write a couple of short articles and release them once a week – a sneaky way to buy me some time. If I don’t do this I might have to make situations happen just so I have something to blog about e.g. leave a banana peel on the office floor, fart in a congested elevator, etc.

Not commenting on other bloggers’ blogs often: ‘I plead guilty, your honor! I would just like to state for the record, in front of all the jury, that I never meant to ignore my blogger fans. The least I will do if I were giving another chance this year is to visit and comment on at least one blog a day’. And the likely responses would ensue:

Judge: Has the jury reached a verdict?

Jury: Yes, your honor.

Judge: Would the jury please read out the verdict.

Jury: On the charge of not commenting on other bloggers’ blogs often, we the jury find the defendant…not guilty (uproar) woohoo!

Not doing exercise daily: Let’s get one thing straight – I’m not particularly out of shape. But at the same time I’m not exactly Channing Tatum (and for you non-movie goers, that wasn’t Latin). I’ve drawn up this timetable which I’ll commence immediately – Sit ups and press ups for breakfast, Stairs for lunch, and Bio yogurt for dessert, of course. With all these I’m sure to have a total body workout and within the next few months I should be in a better position to audition for Magic Mike 2!

Not reading my Bible and daily devotional consistently: Even as I type this post I don’t remember where I left my daily devotional (or when last I read it, for that matter). My physical bible has been enslaved to the backseat of my car indefinitely such that even on Sundays I don’t remember to carry it into church (bible verses are usually projected on an overhead screen anyway). On my blackberry I’ve got a bible app and that’s gathering dust and cobwebs.

Not polishing my shoes …for weeks: I hope my future wife is not reading this. My laziness knows no bounds when it comes to keeping my work shoes polished. I usually give them to my security guard at home and then he finds a cobbler who does the needful (I just concluded one round of shoe-polishing last weekend, phew!). I recall I was given a portable shoe-polishing kit as a gift…but now that I think about it, maybe it was a hint *covers eyes*. Point taken.

Not drinking at least one full glass of water a day: Let’s face it – drinking water can be boring. No taste. No color  No kidding, I hear you say (wise-ass). In 2012, this was my ‘drink list’ in order of most drunk to least drunk – Fruit Juice, Fayrouz (Sparkling Pear-flavored drink), Sprite, Milk and then Water. Having said that, the recent heat wave in my office (thanks to the breakdown of the air-conditioning) has rendered my unit’s water dispenser perpetually empty. I love water so much now. I’ve learnt my lesson. Even when the air-conditioning is back up I’ll continue to drink pure, tasteless, colorless, boring water.

Lastly, I ‘ll try to stop spending so much on takeaways. Today I turned over a new leaf – I made pasta and took it to work 🙂 Today was pasta with tuna and mayo. Tomorrow will be pasta with red sauce and diced frankfuters. Er…any idea what else I can do with pasta in under 10mins???

That’s all folks!