It’s the start of a new year and the Nigerian economy isn’t necessarily better than it was in 2014; power supply has gone from epileptic to epically lacking, Boko Haram terrorists’ have orchestrated more explosions than all the fireworks set off on New Years day…worldwide, and the drop in oil price is giving the heavily oil-dependent Federal Government more sleepless nights than the parents of the 230 kidnapped Chibok schoolgirls (There goes the value of the Naira *insert downward spiral here*). It’s all tragic…tragic I tell ya. So what better way to piss of a fellow Nigerian than to utter words that would make a black man go green – not with envy…
“Please don’t make me angry.
You wouldn’t like me when I’m angry”
– Dr. Bruce Banner
First up, most Nigerian motorists shudder when they approach a checkpoint and hear the word, ‘Park!’ (More accurately yelled with intimidation like ‘PAAAK!’) to which the unfortunate driver is guided to park his/her car by the side of the road and await further harassment instructions. If it’s a Friday, Saturday or Sunday then things go from bad to worse as 9.99 out of 10 times the police officer who waved you down would conclude with the old ‘How’s the weekend going to be?’ (bribe hint) To which you’re tempted to retort ‘Er…splendid once you give me back my driver’s licence and let me drive off!’ but you’re not quite sure if his semi un-automatic rifle is loaded or not.
Speaking of Sundays, they say there’s joy in giving – I agree. But just how much giving are we talking about here? In church your pastor informs you about all the optional mandatory offerings; Sunday offering, Tithe offering, Covenant Seed offering, Communion offering, Special thanksgiving offering, Building fund collection offering, Christian mothers’ offering. etc. Then you have the projects, harvests, new months, half years (which I’m deeply grateful for, honest) and you start to notice that not every member of the congregation is getting up and marching to the altar…is it just fatigue or offering fatigue? Even in the office when social functions are being planned and words like the dreaded ‘Contribute‘, the loathed ‘Donate‘ or the particularly annoying ‘Sponsor‘ is borderline blasphemy for some coworkers.
Other words I choose not to rant about (because they’re self-explanatory) include ‘Traffic’, ‘Fuel scarcity’, ‘Super Eagles’, ‘Chairman’, ‘3rd reminder’, ‘School fees’, ‘Landlord’, ‘Denrele’, ‘Patience’, ‘Goodluck’ and ‘Jonathan’. Explanations for non-Nigerians come at no cost (and are most welcome) so there is an excuse for what Nigerians would call ‘ignorance’. Shine your eye my broda and pray for…
Written by: @dcrazynigerian
Special guest: Dr. Bruce Banner
Photo credits: comicvine.com; Pinterest (Licensed Inspiration)
Reblogged this on thatniggalelouch's Blog.
Ha ha, so the annoying worlds are in bold?
Please explain, ‘Denrele’ . . . 🙂
He’s a TV personality whom if you Google I’m sure you’ll find with crazy hair and high heels. If you play a video of him his high pitched squawking is quite annoying!
Tonwa, you forgot Nepa and Transformer. Go-slow might also apply:-)
Tonwa, you forgot Nepa and Transformer. Go-slow would also apply:-)
Thanks Tamkara. Here’s me endorsing 🙂
Funny. On a more serious note, the issue should not be Nigeria, as in the Nigerian state; hopeless or not, the point is about the ‘individual’. The world is pretty messed up. Invasions, mass evil at the very top, i.e spymasters and destroyers like the US SOLDIER. the CIA and others. Goodness is lost forever. Add to that pornography everywhere. We have what, 70, 80 years on earth. That’s too damn small to give a damn. I say, OYO. Goodbye.
Yes Ade, it is indeed about the individual. We all make choices everyday and so it starts with us making a difference. Thanks for the comment. Visit again soon!
Guy, all those offerings in one sunday? Chai, kpele. Biko, which church do you attend? Let the change begin with a new church. lollllllll
Nice !