The office is my second home (not by choice). I spend half a day in the office from Monday to Friday (Moan). During this time I have interacted with more complex characters than a Celebrity Big Brother reality game show. Quite frankly I’m seriously thinking of getting in some spy video cameras and recording Season 1 of…(drum roll)… The Office (Nigerian TV Series). Dear readers, allow me to introduce you to the various characters I’ve worked with in different offices over the last 10 years:

Dipo the Dictator: He tells everybody what to do (which may not necessarily be the right thing to do). He does not like to be challenged (so say bye-bye to those bright ideas of yours).  He makes threats and can be two-faced (laughs with you one minute and then behind your back he’s recommending you for dismissal. Tip: It’s always best when dining with him to use a very long spoon. 

Francesca the Firestarter: She’s the one who is isn’t happy when other’s are happy. She likes conflict. She’s okay being a spectator in the midst of conflict but would prefer to be the one to instigate it. She loves to gossip but doesn’t like being gossiped about. In the midst of conflict whilst others are looking concerned, she’s the only one you’ll find smiling (from ear to ear).

Lolade the Loafer: She’s the one who just appears to be working but isn’t. She has a gift for looking active and therefore hardly gets any major responsibility thrown her way. She takes ridiculously long coffee-breaks, lunch-breaks and toilet breaks. She is always browsing the Internet. She is purely a work of art. 

Ade the Artful Dodger: One minute you are talking to him and when the boss calls for him he is nowhere to be found. He is a descendant of Houdini. He is also a chief ‘delegator’ (If I may use such a word). He takes no responsibility for any job done because he’s probably already delegated to someone else.

Princewill the Procrastinator: He is still at the Planning phase.

Festus and Fidelis the Foot Soldiers: They are the REAL workers. They would go to any length to fulfil the duties vested on them. They may complain but who cares. They do exactly as they are told. Why? They don’t have a choice, that’s why.

Felix the Fence Warmer: He never takes sides. He is objective to a fault. If he was to choose between black and white he would blend into Grey. He is annoyingly nice as a person but his opinions would leave you so confused as to why you sought them in the first place. Your best bet is to create a space on the fence and sit next to him.  

The Observer: That’s the person who takes the pains to capture all the above information for your reading pleasure. Any guesses yet? Yes, this person is more commonly known as The Crazy Nigerian 😀

What other personalities do YOU have in your office?

DISCLAIMER: The characters discussed in this article are purely fictional and no real names were used. If you feel however that any of these characters is based on your office personality then maybe it’s time for a self-evaluation.