I remember a time when skipping down to the playground in junior secondary school with my best (male) friend hand-in-hand was completely innocent. Fast forward to the 21st century and I would be given weird looks if say I was walking on the streets of Lagos and holding hands with another man who obviously wasn’t my grandpa. I can recall a time when I was ‘scouting’ (as we boys usually do in nightclubs) and squeezing my way through the dance floor. Suddenly, I felt somebody pinch my bum. This kind of behaviour was commonly associated with hyper-social (aka drunk) girls. However, I was unpleasantly surprised when I turned round and noticed a bloke giving me the wink!

Now, there are a million and one ways to react in this kind of situation but that all depends on the scenario in question and one’s attitude towards homosexuals. Have you ever wondered about the sexual orientation of footballers after watching some of their post-goal scoring celebrations? The kisses and the groping could sometimes be confusing to watch. Perhaps it’s just a ‘heat-of-the-moment’ thing. What about in training when your coach smacks your buttocks either for encouragement or acknowledgement for a job well done? Is that normal or is that considered risqué? Well, here are five ways to check if you’re homophobic i.e. fearful of or having contempt for homosexuals:

1. Play George Michael, Elton John songs in your car; windows down of course

2. Try handling a massage from a camp masseuse

3. Watch Brokeback Mountain without flinching once

4. See how you fare when a male dance teacher gives you intense Salsa lessons

5. Call up your male cousin and tell him ‘I just called to say I love you’.

If you’re a guy and you can’t handle any of the above then you’re probably homophobic. Agent 007 isn’t homophobic in my opinion. After seeing Skyfall two days ago, I was intrigued by the villain (brilliantly played by Xavier Bardem) whose wandering hands left Mr. Bond’s thighs and chest neither shaken nor stirred. As for me, after my bum-pinching ordeal I looked at the culprit, shook my head and walked off. Why? No harm done. I know one or two friends of mine whom are yet to come out of the closet so am I going to treat them any differently when they eventually do? Currently Homosexuality is a sensitive topic which is rarely talked about in Nigeria for one sole reason ~ the country isn’t quite ready to embrace it.

Photo credit: Google images