1. Battle of the Egos: There’s a reason why I prefer to go to the gym when it’s empty; I don’t risk having to engage in the unspoken language of rivalry. You’re there minding your own business, doing a 50kg bench-press like you usually do, and then in walks a small entourage of ballers (basketballers actually) who want to show off how fit they are. Not sure if they’d scale through an IQ test but they would land a GQ magazine deal hands down. They’re taller, bigger and more toned than you are and they insist on upstaging you; by lifting 120kg. Perhaps they’re just trying to make you feel like an incompetent weakling…and it’s working. Alas, you suddenly become eye-candy for some gym newbie who summons up the courage to ask you how you got those well-defined triceps…’and then you don’t feel sooooo baaaaad’ #myfavouritethings

2. Indirect torture: It’s bad enough that some jocks intimidate you with their muscular physique but you also have the 360 degree mirrors – a stark reminder of your deficiencies. Just when you think it can’t get any worse, an attractive young female comes near your area to do her workout and you just about to finish one grueling bench-press rep. You want to impress her with your Herculean strength but your shaky arms are about to give way and the weights come crashing back unto your chest without a nearby gym assistant in sight to come to your rescue. You swallow your pride now and squeal for help – what a loser.

3.Sanitary disregard: I think it’s just common sense that if you use a gym apparatus you clean up after yourself. No I don’t want to wait for your 33ml puddle of sweat to evaporate. I mean if that’s your play then leave behind a tip for when I clean up after you. What do you think the towels are there for? To wrap around your neck like a pair of Dre Beats just because you think it looks cool? And while we’re on the subject I recommend gym users should use a very good antiperspirant before coming to the gym or take a shower first. The smell of bad odour during a run on a treadmill could throw you off balance if care isn’t taken. But the worst I witnessed was this guy who blew out nasal matter (aka mucus) unto the gym floor. Seriously???

4. Poor Technique: I didn’t know how to carry out certain gym exercises so I asked an expert for guidance. It seems not everyone is ready to ask for help when they need it though. Some guys think speed matters but what they don’t know is that they’re more prone to getting hurt. In LL Cool J-speak ‘They be doin’ it doin’ it doin’ it wrong!’ It’s not about how fast you do it – try telling that to these jack rabbits. They’re workouts are so Fast and Furious that Paul Walker would be turning in his grave. I do it slow and steady and they think they’ve got one over me. It’s not a freaking competition!

That guy has got one bicep way bigger than the other…but that’s none of my business.

5. Compulsive Copycats: Have you ever come across a situation where for instance you notice a food stand or eatery with no customer queuing up but shortly after you place an order a queue. Typical, right? That’s what I get in the gym sometimes. Some guys want to use the equipment I just finished using and I wonder was it really part of their routine or were they actually trying to confirm if they could do as many repetitions as I can or do they want to prove to me they can do it better (like I care). Now I have to wait for you to finish your repetitions and take turns vice versa. What is this…’gym bonding’???

Have you had any crazy experiences at the gym or while you were exercising outdoors? Do share 🙂