10 Signs That You’re Dating a Cheapskate

1. He insists on taking you to a takeaway joint on your first date.

2. On your second date at a restaurant, he cunningly goes straight to the main course menu in the hope that you don’t bother ordering for starters or appetizers.

3. Before making the order he keeps trying to confirm from the waiter whether the portions are filling enough for the prices being charged.

4. He asks the waiter if the restaurant charges for tap water.

5. He asks for a second round of complimentary bread rolls.

6. He finishes every single crumb in his dinner plate and starts criticizing yours with comments like, ‘Are you gonna eat that?’ or ‘I knew you wouldn’t be able to finish that.’ 

7. He tells you right after dinner that he’s tried the dessert before and they weren’t any good.

8. He pays for dinner, knows he’s due to be given some change e.g. fifty Naira (about a third of a US dollar)…and waits for it.

9. He leaves without tipping either the helpful waiter, the courteous doorman, or the smooth-tongued security guard who’s been calling him ‘Chairman’ all the way to his car.

10. He tells you he’d like to do this again sometime, and then when the time comes he offers to cook dinner at his place instead.

If you’re a cheapskate or someone who went on a date with a cheapskate then do share your horror stories 🙂

Entry #67 – The Banker’s diet

Gone are the days when I used to enjoy the luxury of living only 15mins away from my office. I would wake up at 7.00am, take a shower before leaving my flat at 7.15, and then I’d be in my office by 7.30am (resumption time). With my new job I live about 1hr away…when there’s no traffic, but 3hrs when I’m on my way back home during rush hour. A couple of things have suffered with this recent change: My biceps and triceps got smaller; my alarm clock and I are no longer on speaking terms;  my blog developed cobwebs; and more importantly, I have developed an eating disorder…well, let’s just say I don’t eat in any particular order anymore.

3-square meals are usually the norm when it comes to daily food consumption. However, the diet of the average banker in Lagos is rather different. Most bachelors eat at least twice a day – one outdoor meal from the local canteen and a home-cooked meal. Married men however may eat just one heavy meal at night since its in their best interest not to piss their wives off. The result? Pot belly.  I currently fall into the bachelor category (phew!) but dare I say the content of my meals may raise a few eyebrows:

Morning – Rice, beans and plantain (as early as 8.30am!)

Afternoon – A sausage roll (The Superbite brand)

In between – Fried Yam with pepper sauce, plantain chips

Evening – Bowl of cereal and/or a packet of noodles (Indomie Chicken flavour, of course)

I am well aware of the fact that this diet (eaten 5days a week) is not a balanced diet. It is a banker’s diet. Once in a while I throw in the odd stewed vegetables and an apple with some almonds but generally there’s little time to eat. Eating outdoors all the time is very risky. Bankers in Lagos could probably tell you a few of their food-poisoning stories. There have been instances of stooling and even Typhoid inflicted on unsuspecting bankers who patronized canteens with suspicious water supplies. The cost of such food is part of the allure. At 100 Naira (less than 50 pence/75 cents) you could have a meal of rice or beans that could keep you going for the next 4hrs. And don’t get me started on the inevitable addiction to energy drinks loaded with abnormal amounts of caffeine. Coffee is so 80s now…

I’m trying to find the balance I once had so I’m faced with 3 choices – Get yet another job and location OR Get familiar with just one outdoor meal source and stick to it OR Get married! (at least the fear of getting a pot belly would probably encourage me to do more exercise, which would equally restore my biceps and triceps to their former glory :D)

Entry #4 – I + Eat-in-this-order = Eating disorder?

Earlier today my diet was as follows:

Morning @ 7.30:

  • Pineapple & Papaya chunks
  • Bowl of Weetabix (2 biscuits with semi-skimmed milk)
  • Tropical Juice

Lunch @ 1.30:

  • Yam porridge with dried shrimp
  • Thick vanilla milkshake (to wash it all down, yum)

Snacking b/w 3-5pm:

  • Calcium crackers (a lot of ’em)

Dinner @ 8pm:

  • Rice and Plantain
  • Chicken
  • Fish

Seems alright to me…but why do I feel I’m gonna be constipated? Bet it was the f***ing pineapple :s