Dear Ceasar…

ceasar1My sister showed me your picture yesterday and I thought to myself, ‘Wait a minute…weren’t we supposed to get a puppy and not a dog?’ But looking at the other pictures I bet my folks adored you, and the way you were moving around in the compound I can see you’re already feeling right at home. But before you get too comfortable, a few ground rules:

  1. I expect you to take the trash out on Thursdays and Sundays.
  2. You are to water the garden every morning (and I mean water not pee!). If any of my plants see yellow you’ll be seeing my front gate.
  3. When I come round to visit and the security guard isn’t around you’ll have to open the gate so I can drive in.
  4. When there’s no power supply and the security guard happens to be in the toilet or in a deep sleep you’ll need to turn on the generator.
  5. Whenever I ask you a question bark once for YES and twice for NO and bark three times if you have no idea what I’m saying.

It may interest you to know that your predecessor Happy was a very loyal and diligent dog who did all the above and more. He passed away some years ago and we miss him dearly. I don’t expect you to fill his shoes paws because lets face it – you’ve got small paws (no offence). Take the next couple of days to get to know your new family and surroundings but be sure to keep your wits about you always. You have permission to bite anyone who attempts to break into the house or steal our generator or parked cars. Please do not bark at night unless you’re absolutely sure it’s an emergency.

That’s it for now. The rest of the information will be outlined in your contract. See you over the weekend and by the way, you’re welcome to your new family 🙂

ceasar2 ceasar3

The first cut isn’t the deepest

This post isn’t about my ‘repeated’ ordeal with emotional hurt nor is it an attack on Rod Stewart’s lyrics. The fact is that yesterday whilst I was hurriedly racing from the dining area to the kitchen for my breakfast I (stupidly) whacked my upper lip against a wall edge. Unfortunately I got more than just a swollen lip and blood all over my hands – I got stitches (Warning: readers may find some of these pictures disturbing).

………………My top right canine pierced through my lip and created a hole the size of a shriveled pea (for those who love gory details). Anyway, with a looming scar on my hands lip, I have considered villain roles in Nollywood movies. I have also learnt literally that a stitch in time saves nine (that hole in my lip would have certainly gotten bigger if I kept talking). No kissing for the next few weeks – doctor’s orders (or was that dad’s orders? hmm). It hurts when I laugh and this injury is probably what a boxer considers just another day at the office. I can’t wait to have my stitches taken out in a few days (sigh). Counting the days till when people stop looking at my mouth region in a dodgy manner, lol…OOOW!