When you live with people in a community where you share social infrastructure it behooves every individual to show consideration for one another, right? Well this couldn’t be further from the truth in my compound which I share with 11 … Continue reading →
Ever since my last annoying neighbor moved out of my hood I’ve had my sanity restored. Unfortunately my sane state was short-lived 3 weeks later when the Addams family moved in. The head of the house, a big bouncer-like bloke you wouldn’t want to mess around with, has two cars. In fact, he is the only one in the compound who has two cars – one Toyota and one Honda. I have no problem with that. My bone of contention is the fact that whenever I park behind the Toyota (solely because I have no other place to park when I come back from work) my neighbor suddenly decides he wants to go out in the Toyota. Likewise when I decide to be proactive and park behind the Honda which he rarely uses he suddenly decides he wants to go out in the Honda.
Now I’ve done background research on this lunatic just to confirm whether or not he’s related in some way to the shouting neighbor who moved out. Why? Because he shouts too! On one occasion I came back late from work at about 11pm due to some unexplainable traffic. I wasn’t alone if you know what I mean. We got home tired but not too tired to do some ‘late night aerobics’ before going to bed. The RnB music was playing low, the gin in my system was making me a little woozy and I was about 10 seconds away from the ‘promise land’ and so was she…but that was until my good ol’ neighbor from hell decided to yell my name and bang at my mini gate repeatedly – talk about killing the moment. It was 12 midnight and I knew he probably wanted to move whichever car I was blocking this time. Well guess what! I took a stand – I switched off my mobile phone and increased my music to drown the shouting and banging. I wasn’t going to move my car…not this time.
After 15 minutes he finally gave up and went back to his flat. Victory at last. Peace sustained. Sanity restored. Mojo…lost 🙁
I am a law-abiding citizen. I pay my rent on time and I also pay my taxes. I love my mum and dad just as much as I love OREO cookies and I’ve won The Best Brother Ever Award 3 years in a row, courtesy of my two lovely younger sisters. I don’t expect much from people…even when it’s my birthday. What I do expect from my neighbors, however, is some peace and quiet when I return from a hard day at the office!
I live in a very big compound with 11 other tenants in their respective apartments. Unfortunately 3 of them drive me up the wall (some more frequently than others). Ladies and Gentlemen, I would like to present to you the 3 neighbors whom I have tried my best to love with all my heart (honest!).
The Prayer Warrior:
Gender ~ Female
Age ~ 20-something
Marital Status ~ Single (and I think I know why)
Number of kids ~ None
Noise-ometer ~ 7/10 (Very Loud)
Offence(s) ~ On random mornings and nights I would hear this woman chanting prayers and speaking in tongues. It’s quite scary to say the least. It sounds so violent that you actually first think about calling the police to report a case of domestic abuse. The shouting can last for up to 30 minutes and sometimes even longer. I wonder if she has any friends…hmm…maybe just on Facebook.
Gender ~ Male
Age ~ 30-something
Marital Status ~ Single
Number of kids ~ None
Noise-ometer ~ 8/10 (Very Loud and Constant)
Offence(s) ~ Whilst every other sane neighbor usually puts off their generators before going to bed, this guy runs his generator till the fuel runs out. Perhaps if the Nigerian government got their act together and provided uninterrupted power supply then we wouldn’t need generators in the first place. But in the meantime I expect this neighbor to show a little consideration for others by switching his generator off at 12am max. He goes to work the following day so how the hell does he sleep through that constant drone? Maybe I’ll just go ahead and buy those Pioneer headphones I’ve been Googling and see if they’re really sound-proof…
The Human Megaphone:
Gender ~ Female
Age ~ 30 something
Marital Status ~ Widowed
Number of kids ~ 3
Noise-ometer ~ 9.9/10 (Extremely Loud, Constant and Annoying)
Offence(s) ~ Where do I begin? She screams all day. She is obviously lazy because she reduced her teenage niece to a maid. She comes out of her apartment and just when she realizes she’s forgotten something she starts screaming her niece’s name at the top of her lungs…right beneath my bedroom window whilst I’m still sleeping! At first I felt sorry for her because she is a widow but that changed after one late night at about 1am when her sisters-in-law paid her a surprise visit. They banged on her door for an hour and outrightly accused her of driving their brother to an early grave. It was like trying to sleep while The Jerry Springer Show was on. I also have doubts as to the rightful owner of her car because she sure doesn’t know how to unlock it without triggering the car alarm…every single time. I swear she’ll give me a heart attack one day. And don’t get me started on her three screaming kids!
Well I hope there really is a Santa because this Christmas I’m wishing for peace and sanity in my neighborhood. Do you think you could live with my neighbors? 🙁