An MJ parody: Blood on the dance (Part 2)

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You spin her around and then you both put on an electrifying, neomodern salsa-type of performance.The uproar from the crowd is unprecedented. You catch a glimpse of some beautiful ladies biting their bottom lips. Some are winking at you and pouting … Continue reading

First Blood: The dance-off

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You and your geeky friends are at a nightclub chatting away about Sylvester Stallone movies and then suddenly you can see ‘her’ looking at you from across the room. In fact, she’s been watching you all night. She’s all by herself in that … Continue reading

Soundtrack of my life: Top 20 countdown

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I love music just as much as the next guy…who sings in the shower. I simply can’t imagine my life without this (the music, not the guy in the shower). I can still remember the songs my parents used to play … Continue reading

Entry #31 – Rhianna vs Amy Winehouse

rvaThey’re both music artists and they are both critically-acclaimed in their own right. Though at first site they may seem very different, they’ve got quite a few similarities. Lets take a look at and then you can decide for yourself:

Both have sung about Rehab but only Amy has actually checked into one – When they tried to make her go Amy shouted ‘NO! NO! NO!’ and Rhianna shouted ‘ELLA ELLA, AY AY AY! But surprisingly it was Amy who got sent to rehab.

One isn’t black but can sing the blues while the other has been beaten black and blue.

One used to date Shia Lebouf and later released her hit single ‘Disturbia’ whilst the other would leave you in that state if you were dumb enough to date her.

Both wear make-up but one looks like she applied it whilst in a high-speed car chase.

Dabbling in Raga, Techno, R&B, ballads and Pop, Rhianna’s singing choice is all over the place. But Amy sticks to one music genre (It’s her hair that’s all over the place).

One has publishers ready to put her face on their magazines whilst the other has a boyfriend who is ready to put a magazine over her face.

Finally, both have been seen on-screen getting raunchy with fellow popstars – Rhianna with Justin Timberlake, and Amy Winehouse with (even I don’t believe it!) Eminem

Bravo ladies! Keep doing your thing 🙂

Blood on the dancefloor II

continued…

As you get back on your feet, nose bleeding and totally humiliated, you loathe the DJ’s well-timed sense of irony as he switches the music to…wait for it… Michael Jackson’s ‘Blood on the dancefloor’. But you suddenly realize that this is the big break you’ve been waiting for! Thats the kind of music you can step to, not ‘Say My Name’. They’ll be ‘saying YOUR name’ by the time you’re done. You’re going to redeem your image, silence the hecklers, and give your dancing partner a wacko-jacko experience she will never forget.

First you grab your crotch and pop it up and down a few times in succession while your legs are ‘at ease’. The crowd is already beginning to cheer. You stop crotch-popping and start to gyrate on the spot, your eyes firmly fixed on your dancing adversary. The ‘Wooo!’s and whistles from the ladies around are overwhelming. You snap-wiggle your leg in the air then you strut your way over to her and push your waist up against hers. Her lips part. You take her right hand up and whisper to her, ‘It’s going down, babe’.

You spin her around and then you both put on an electrifying, neomodern salsa performance.The uproar from the crowd is unprecedented. You catch a glimpse of some beautiful ladies biting their bottom lips. Some are winking at you and pouting seductively. You know you look bad and dangerous with your sweaty silk shirt and bloody nose. The alluring scent of your dance partner’s perfume brings you back into focus though.

You  ‘crip-walk’ around her like a deranged Red-Indian around a bonfire, snapping your head aback along the way. After one complete revolution you do a lightning spin and execute the Billie-Jean Toe stand – applause aplenty! You grab her upclose one more time. This time you can feel her heart beating fast. It will all be over soon but not after you give the audience what you know they’ve been craving for. Tonight you will leave your mark as the undisputed dance maestro, the dancefloor will worship your feet, and your $39.99 loafers will be put to the ultimate test!

You take a step back, arms stretched out in front and pulling her gently towards you. You start to backslide slowly and she instinctively comes towards you. You pick up the pace and her salsa-strut is perfectly in synch. Never before have you performed the Moonwalk while still holding your leading lady. It’s absolute pandemonium now and you can see the club’s bouncers on red alert. Your friends are chanting your name and then the whole club joins in – even the DJ. In a Tango Neuvo approach, you lean her forward so that her back is arched and she has an inverted view of the audience. She’s breathless. You’re exhausted. The crowd loved it. You pull her back up and she asks you, ‘Where did THAT come from?’ You say nothing but smile. She then whispers in your ear, ‘I wanna rock your world…’

…1 long kiss and 3 Trojans later, you wake up. You’re in her apartment. It wasn’t all a dream. You can still see your silk shirt hanging across the bedroom. You’re both so cosy under the sheets and she’s got her head on your chest. You notice a picture frame by your side of the bed and its faced down. You’re thinking you probably bumped it during the hanky-panky. She also wakes up shortly after and she asks you for the time. You look at your watch – Its almost 2am. She suddenly panicks and tells you that you have to leave.

You put 2 and 2 together and you pick up the picture frame to notice she’s in the picture with a huge, built-up bloke. ‘Who’s he?’ She tells you its her husband and that he’ll be back any minute. You suddenly hear a knock on the door. You’ve had your fun with dirty Diana but you don’t want to see blood in the bedroom. You haven’t got time to throw your clothes on. There’s a window to your left and you’re only 1 storey off the ground. It’s time to beat it!