The Set Up of All Set ups

In recent weekends my wife and I have been getting our fix (or should I say ‘flix’) by way of series and movie binging. Thanks to Netflix we have more affordable variety compared to Cable TV; currently useful for only reporting new Covid cases and Khloe Kardashian’s latest meltdown. We’ve so far binged on Ozark, Prison Break and now we’re on Breaking Bad Season 4 (no spoilers in the comment section please). When it comes to movies though we sometimes want to give Nigerian talent a chance. On one of such occasions we decided to watch a Nigerian movie titled ‘The Set Up’. This movie sucked more than a 6-month old baby from a bulimic mother.

Before watching a movie my wife and I do this thing. Everybody has a ‘thing’ like watching movies with subtitles.  But our thing is to watch the first ten minutes and resist pressing the Exit button – once that time has lapsed then it’s more than likely that we would watch the rest of the movie. Sadly this movie did not make the cut after the eighth minute and here’s why.

To begin with the movie opened with three baseless flashbacks back to back spanning from the pre-teen, teenage to adolescent years of the two female childhood friends the story is based on. Fast forward to present day and you can perceive they live a criminal life once law enforcement agents storm their apartment. Just before they scram they get a visit from a recruiter who is need of their skills. All this while I contemplated wedging matchsticks under my eyelids to stay awake. The dialogue was the stuff of bedtime stories; yawn-worthy.

There were rushed scenes of the girls getting trained and executing scores with zero dialogue. I was disappointed at the missed opportunity for character development. I was not attached to a single character and couldn’t care less if any or all of them fell into an abyss. I wasn’t glued or caring to know where this story was going. I was contemplating my existence and wondering when last I called my parents.

Hopefully others who watched it got some entertainment. However, my wife and I have seen better Nigerian movies so this movie lived up to its title – we felt set up.

TCN rating – 2/10

A Risky Sonnet

Like running down a steep staircase or taking a sharp corner at full speed.

Like standing inches from a cliff edge or leaving a slashed wrist to bleed.

Like smoking a pack of cigarettes after being diagnosed with a bad lung.

Like rushing back in for your belongings after a fire alarm has been rung.

Like cheating at an important examination or plagiarizing a school report.

Like walking out of a shop with shoes you tried on but you never bought.

Like investing in the stock market or throwing a set of dice to get a seven.

Like partying on a Thursday night for five hours after working for eleven.

Like setting up your best friend with a date who was previously into you.

Like leaving home at the precise time you need to get to a job interview.

Like swimming against waves at sea in order to save someone drowning.

Like taking a bullet for a stranger, or an expedition on the K-2 Mountain.

Like drinking wine and then driving, or walking in a dark alley all alone.

Like falling in love and hoping the heart that may break is not your own.

Blog Wars

It is the year 2021. Blog world has been riddled with mayhem as there is a never ending battle between the Bloggers and the Spammers. There is one blogger however called Luke Skywriter who is the best there is at blogging and he is the last hope to restore Blog world to a state of useful information circulation. His predecessor, Anakin Skywriter, was supposed to make this possible. The elders had noticed that the Words were strong in him at the tender age of 9. But following his transition to the Dark side he was presumed dead after an epic pen-fight with Obi-Wan Kenotey.

Luke Skywriter, with the guidance of Princess Writea and the Scribe training from 900 yr old Posta, was instrumental in his execution of a well-laid out plan to annihilate the rebels of the Spam armed forces. In a terrible twist of fate, Luke comes face-to-face with his arch enemy, the devious Darth Pager, who later reveals that he is in fact his biological father – Anakin Skywriter. The confrontation leads to lot of ink being shed during the posting battle but Luke rises victorious and the blogs are restored to full circulation in Blog world. He is now married to Princess Writea and has taken over from Posta to train young-lings in Blog academy. There he shows them the way of the Scribe. 

I salute Luke and all that he has done for Blogworld. He is the wordsmith that all bloggers would aspire to be. On that note I’ll sign off saying, ‘May the Words be with you’.

Frowns, Clowns and Lockdowns

covid stay home

Last night while I was in bed I finally felt it (not my wife’s bum, thank you) – that excitement at the thought of writing a blog post just because. The first time I experienced this same feeling was in 2009 but since then it’s been on and off for the last decade in diminishing proportions. Why, I hear you ask? Distractions would be the easy excuse. Let’s say I had a few things to frown about.

I had a string of hopeless relationships, a dead-end job with no promotion prospects, and a highly anticipated sequel to my debut novel which wasn’t writing itself. I lost my mojo.  Just when I thought life couldn’t get less satisfying, I encountered a few clowns who entertained and kept me going.

Shoutouts to the following lifesavers who tickled my funny bone:

Fortunately, things started to pick up in the last 3 years – I met and married my soul mate, got an amazing job, ushered in a beautiful daughter and I’ve added a few lines to my second book in progress (well 3 out of 4 isn’t bad). Fast forward to present day, and it’s been a state of emergency in Lagos where residents have been advised to stay at home for the last three weeks (and counting).

Some things I have learnt/did during this period are: Working from home (didn’t have a choice really); Social distancing (My friends who visit talk to me from outside my gate); Baking a lemon sponge cake (all my top scores went solely to effort); Netflix weekend binge (Money Heist included); Yoga on YouTube (I never heard so many creaks and snaps in my joints before – 40 is no joke) and one of my favourite things I’m doing right now – blogging. It’s good to be back (insert smiley here)!

Image credits: Pinterest

An MJ parody: Blood on the dance (Part 2)

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You spin her around and then you both put on an electrifying, neomodern salsa-type of performance.The uproar from the crowd is unprecedented. You catch a glimpse of some beautiful ladies biting their bottom lips. Some are winking at you and pouting … Continue reading

TCN Blog Digest I

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Hello TCN fans! This series hopes to be the first of many and here I’ll be giving commentaries on random articles of blogs I follow. Please feel free to read the full articles if I’ve managed to pique your interest … Continue reading

SNAP! You’ve got the power

Yes, I am giving you the power (and no ordinary power I must add) to choose what I blog about next. I had so many ideas in my zero-afro head and when they all started driving me crazy I thought I’d let YOU (my loyal followers, curious surfers and loony stalkers) decide and put me out of my misery. Think of this like giving me medical marijuana to take away the pain – okay okay, writing is the best therapy ‘cos it keeps me sane…

*Important* – You can vote as much as you like until Saturday 12 noon GMT+1 and the  topic with the highest count will be the one I blog about on Sunday (Jack Bauer’s got to love this self-imposed deadline…geeez)

 

Thanks for taking part 🙂

Image source: Gadafini-club.blogspot.com 

 

 

Weekly Writing Challenge: Wheels of misfortune

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It was a Monday just like any other manic Monday when I set out early for work before the sun was out. This was the only way to avoid getting caught up in the usual traffic jams I became accustomed to … Continue reading

And if hell doesn’t freeze over…

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…you can bet Niagra falls will!

frozen niagra falls, ice, cold, winter, freeze

First Blood: The dance-off

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You and your geeky friends are at a nightclub chatting away about Sylvester Stallone movies and then suddenly you can see ‘her’ looking at you from across the room. In fact, she’s been watching you all night. She’s all by herself in that … Continue reading