It is the year 2013. Somewhere off the coast of West Africa lies a land with over 160 million inhabitants. The scourge of new age terrorists (code-named Boko Haram) has riddled the post-colonial populace with a sense of fear and insecurity. Corruption is at the forefront while Poverty and Unemployment are jostling for second place. Citizens are witnessing first hand that absolute power corrupts absolutely. The situation is beyond bleak. Just when all hope is lost, suddenly there’s a thunderous object blazing across the humid sky. You can hear some weird Nigerians going, ‘Look! It’s a bird!’ and some even weirder ones going, ‘No, it’s a plane!’ But alas, it’s…it’s…SUPERMAN! (Cue theme song)
Yes, rumour has it that the man of steel is faster than a speeding bullet, more powerful than a locomotive, and able to leap tall buildings in a single bound. But this is Nigeria we’re talking about here, not the diabolic Lex Luthor or even his weakness – kryptonite. The villain which Superman would have to face in Nigeria is multiple-fold. They are a formidable caucus whom would stop at nothing to neutralize his powers or at least win him over to their side. Sure, Superman is used to saving America but it’s never straightforward when it comes to Nigeria. I mean, how do you save a country that doesn’t seem to want to be saved?
I have conversations with Julie Andrews in my head and I’m asking (well, more like singing to) her, ‘How-do-you solve a problem like Nigeriaaaaa?’ She’s just as clueless as the rest of us, I’m afraid. Some other days I have conversations with Einstein in my head and here’s his hypothesis: Superman would first use his X-ray vision to discover zhee secret hideouts of these usurpers. Next he would use his superhuman strength to break through zheir defenses – not killing anyone in the process, of course. As the embezzlers try to escape he uses his heat vision to melt zhee tyres of zheir Hummers and Escalades. He then uses his freeze breath to stop zhem in zheir tracks. After bunching them up all together in a nearby dumpster, he flies them over zhee river Niger and drops zhem off on a remote island with no means of escape or contact. He dusts his hands off (or gets the dirt off his shoulder, as l like to imagine it) and whoop zhere it is – he’s saved the day, blah!
But seriously, what hope is there for the children of tomorrow? I remember a time when I believed that my beloved country Nigeria would be the envy of the world – A country with abundant natural resources, an incredibly conducive climate, and a leader who had the interests of the people at heart. Well I guess 2 out of 3 ain’t bad. No…I have a right to complain. There’s enough wealth in my country to feed every civilian daily with enough reserve to feed neighbouring countries in need. The poor don’t have to get poorer. We sure don’t need primary schoolgirls getting married either. I converse again in my head, this time with Mariah Carey, and she sings a song of hope:
The fact of the matter is (and it hurts me to say it) there’s no point thinking of Superman coming to rescue Nigeria. He would probably just be overwhelmed with the major tasks at hand (tackling Boko Haram terror in its unpredictable and recurring nature, curbing the deeply rooted plague of corruption, toppling the power mongers and giving Nigerians a leader worth following, etc and that’s just for starters). Perhaps he would settle for being good ol’ Clark Kent in his job at The Daily
Something’s gotta give eventually. The people need to start thinking of change. We can’t keep living like civilized slaves. The system has been carefully engineered to ensure that the majority have just enough to survive whilst also keeping us from rallying together to oppose leaders in power. There’s light at the end of the tunnel, there’s strength in numbers, and there’s a hero in all of us just waiting to burst out…
Wikipedia, Google images, Youtube